Saturday, November 28, 2020

Vampiress Review: "Vamp Bikers"

 

The Gist: There are bikers and some of them are vampires and occasionally really crappy cops confront them. 

Female Vampire Factor: There are a bunch sporadically in the film.  The ones that get the most screen time tend to be related to flashbacks related to one particular vampire including the female vampires in the group that originally turned him.

A blind girl that he is in love with who is eventually turned (who is also the first to have a bite scene in the film).

and the vampires that originally turned her that include two females. 

 
Final Opinion: This is indy film A.D.D. at it's worst.  It comes off as an hour and a half of scenes that when put together do not create a story that can be followed whatsoever. No transitions, no main characters to follow just a bunch of vampire bikers randomly doing stuff with multiple nonsensical time jumps to the past of someone that's never given any real importance. This film is part one of a trilogy that I can only assume was all shot at once because in one of the nonsensical time jump scenes a joke is made about the priest in the movie looking like an actor from the third movie which I guess would be funny if it weren't for the fact that chronologically no one would have seen the third movie if it hasn't come out yet when this was released. I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5 as you do get some hot female vamps but none are main characters, it's clear their fang budget ran out by the end of the movie and there definitely isn't enough to justify watching this Frankenstein like collections of scenes they try to call a movie.



Friday, November 27, 2020

Vampiress Review: "A Vampires Tale aka "Umbrage the First Vampire""

 

The Gist: A camper and a dysfunctional family must survive the night when they're being hunted by demons lead by a succubus.

Female Vampire Factor: As mentioned above one of the groups being hunted is a disgruntled family.  They consist of a father, his pregnant wife and his angry stepdaughter Rachel (Rita Ramnani). 

 Rachel is super angry and rebellious as she is seemingly the odd person out in the family being that both parents are step parents after the death of her mother (though the question of why she lives with them if that's the case when it's clearly established that she is in fact over 18 does confuse me). 

 
As the film progresses she ends up finding an irish cowboy lurking in the families barn.  He eventually reveals himself to be a vampire hunter turned vampire himself who is hunting one of the people hiding out with the family who they don't realize is actually the source of their danger and not a victim like she is portraying.  The woman is in fact a Succubus named Lillith (Natalie Celino), who is in reality the first wife of Adam from the bible. 

By the end of the film pretty much everyone is dead but the vampire cowboy Phelan, Racheal and her step-father Jacob.  Phelan asks Jacob for a moment alone with Rachel. Rachel insists to Jacob that it's ok.  We then find out that Phelan turned Rachel who then make Jacob her first victim before going off with him.



Final Opinion: The movie starts off as an ok horror film but then becomes what feels like an overly long conversation between Rachel and Phelan giving backstory before a final battle happens between Phelan and Lillith with occasional sex scenes thrown in.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of  1 out of 5Season 5 of True Blood is a much hotter interpretation of the "Lillith vs Vampires" story.  I would definitely consider re-watching that season if female vampires is what you're looking for through that story not to mention how many other films that have portrayed Lillith herself as a vampire or a vampire like succubus.