Vampiress Review: "Rock, Paper, Scissors"

The Gist: A group of vampires and humans try to co-exist in a safe house during a zombie apocalypse.

Female Vampire Factor:  There is one female vampire that gets any real screen time and that is Judith

She is not very trustworthy and believes any human outside of the compound to be dinner even though the humans in the compound give blood to sustain the vampires.  This leads to the human protagonist Cara to not trust her as if it weren't for another vampire Micajah who saved her and brought her to the compound she would have been eaten by Judith.

Final Opinion: The concept is good but the execution is very much lacking.  The overall idea was to show the developing trust between a human with PTSD about vampires Cara and the vampire she's forced to coexist with Micajah.  The main problem is the vampire characters show zero signs of trustworthiness or self control and there seems to be nothing the humans are getting out of keeping the vampires around so none of it makes sense (The good old indy film "must have constant conflict where everyone hates each other but coexists for no reason for dramatic effect" logic). At least in the final season of True Blood which has the same premise there was a mutual relationship where in exchange for blood the vampires would protect the humans. Here the humans are pretty much protecting themselves alongside monsters constantly threatening them and all of them are reporting to a leader who isn't very good at leading. I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 of 5. Judith and the two episodes featuring her are a small bright spot in a series that was lacking them.

Vampiress Review: "Thirst (1979)"

The Gist: A woman of high society is kidnapped by a brood of blood drinking upper class people who have determined she is the next to join their society due to her lineage relation to Elizabeth Bathory.

Female Vampire Factor: The story revolves around a wealthy aris named Kate Davis (Chantal Contouri).

As mentioned she gets kidnapped and taken to a resort where people are being farmed for their blood so that the rich and high society people running it get to drink it.  It's even delivered to their homes disguised as milk.

The goal is for the society to use brain washing methods to train Kate to accept them and most importantly thirst for blood.  The results in a good portion of the film being really trippy as Kate has horrific visions of pretty much everything becoming bloody.

Eventually they believe that the brainwashing has worked.  She's given her fangs and allowed back into the real world. Unfortunately for the society while she does give into the urge to feed she always immediately regrets it which means they're belief may have been wrong.

One of the members of the society Dr. Frazer decides to go against the group and free both Kate and her boyfriend Derek (who was also been kidnapped).  This ends up being a ruse as the turning was a part of the conditioning programming and the last you see is her giving in to being one of them while being bitten by Dr. Frazer.  As this happens you overhear a conversation where the Dr. is congratulated for successfully converting her.

Final Opinion: This was a GREAT movie.  The entire film revolved around does the beautiful protagonist get turned?  On top of that it's not about supernatural vampires but there was fangs and it was still somewhat supernatural.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  Had she just become a vampire and turned on her friends and family (which was almost hinted at during the false ending prior to her snapping out of the indoctrination) it probably would have been given a full 5.

Vampiress Review: "Morbid Stories"

The Gist: A compilation of supernatural happenings that coincide with a girl evacuating during a vampire/zombie outbreak.

Female Vampire Factor: In the fourth and final story of the film titled "More Than You Can Chew" a vampire (Krystal Pixie Adams) who is suffering from severe hunger pains decides to go out and find a victim before her boyfriend comes over.

When she gets out she finds what she believes to be the perfect victim.

Unfortunately that victim ends up being a zombie who ends up biting her back. 

 Her human boyfriend comes to visit her and when she realizes something is wrong tries to get him to leave. He believes that she might be high on drugs (after seeing a syringe in her bedroom) and refuses to leave. From there she begins to go feral from the zombie bite and feeds on him.

Final Opinion: So a quick rundown of the film.
Story 1 "Invasive Species" is a group of vampires attacking a couple in their home.

Story 2 "3 Months" is a group of the most annoying teenagers in the world summoning a demon who inhabits one of their bodies and eats the rest. The title is in reference to one of the girls being 3 months away from her 18th birthday as her whiny entitled boyfriend begs her to run away with him.

Story 3 "Writers Beware"is an author renting out a house in the middle of nowhere to hide after killing someone in a car accident.  Unknowingly the house is haunted by a demon which he releases.

It's hard to really enjoy this film since it's one of those where every character is ridiculously annoying. One of my major pet peeves with these independent films is when the dialogue is 90% arguing and cussing each other out for "dramatic affect" since in reality it just makes you pretty much hate every character in it thus you really don't care what happens to them other than you hope it happens quickly to get them off the screen and shuts them up. The key to a good horror film is the fear coming from you hoping the victims survive and close calls making you think they won't.  If the people you're watching are established as downright horrible and annoying people you aren't horrified when something happens to them, instead you feel it's karma (and even in those cases it doesn't matter unless you establish a good person to root for who benefits from the karma).

I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  You can't really go wrong with feral vampires but even that segment would have benefited from not having the arguing leading up to it.  Not to mention the vampire reveal would have better been used as a surprise as she turned feral (having the bite scene shown as a flashback as she turned). Had it been just a loving couple on a date with the girl starting to act strange leading up to finding out she's a vampire going feral and the boyfriend having to struggle with running away or hoping to get through to her it would have been much better. As it currently is, guy came off as a condescending jerk so again, who really cares if he's killed.

Vampiress Review: "Subfaratu"

The Gist: A group of people on a cruise to Puerto Rico venture into the Bermuda Triangle and when their ship sinks end up being rescued by a Nazi War ship that has been missing since World War 2 and is carrying a vampire.

Female Vampire Factor: There is only one.  Not only is the vampire not actually revealed until the end of the movie (though you are always aware that it is there) but it really doesn't have much to do with the film overall.  When you finally do see the vampire it is revealed that it is a woman (Chelsea Tolle) that one of the Nazi's is feeding crew members to because of a relationship they had when she was alive.

Final Opinion: As mentioned the vampire is not really that important to the plot.  Most of the movie it's kept in a torpedo room locked up and the times it gets out you only see a shadow.  It isn't till it's final scene where it's revealed that it is indeed an attractive woman and not some Nosforatu like monster (which is what's hinted at the entire movie).

Otherwise this is a goofy comedy that is best described as Gilligan's Island meets Hogans Hero's.  The cruise castaways try to be heroic but are pretty much idiots and the Nazi's who still think it's the 1940's want to surrender themselves to the Americans because they want to go to New York and become Broadway actors.    Overall though it's a pretty entertaining comedy.  Not much from the vampire end of course so it gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Blood Trap (Bite)"

The Gist:  A group of kidnappers hoping to hold a mob bosses daughter for ransom get the roles reversed when they learn that she is a vampire and her house is rigged to stay locked from sun up to sunset.

Female Vampire Factor: Elena Mirela is Nika

As explained Nika is the daughter of a mob boss.  What her kidnappers don't realize is she is basically a walking babymaker whose only purpose is making little vampire babies and the only thing that keeps her normal is taking heroin.

When the kidnappers tie her up and take her heroin from her she pretty much loses it and completely monsters out.  Unfortunately her in monster form looks more like a shriveled old woman.

One of the kidnappers in the film, one half of a lesbian couple does turn as well in the film in an elevator scene.  The rest of the group immediately empty all their ammo in her.

Final Opinion: Less a vampire movie and closer to the film Species in that she's more just a hot lady monster who's not really about biting or sucking blood and more about procreating.  Most of the deaths in the film involve feeding people to the vampire children and the only one she doesn't kill or feed to the kids she turns through raping the guy (she force feeds him Viagra and apparently vampirism is an STD.)

I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  It's a pretty good horror movie but like I said the one person you'd like to see do something vampiric does it in the ugliest way possible and not much of a vampire film.

Vampiress Review: "Therapy for a Vampire"

The Gist: A vampire while attending therapy finds that the girlfriend of the artist contracted to draw his dreams is the doppelganger of his first love and has limited time to reincarnate the original into the new body. Problem is not only is she in a relationship but she's very head strong and he's married to a very vain and jealous vampire and his servant also has eyes for her.

Female Vampire Factor: The main antagonist of the film is the Countess Gräfin Elsa von Közsnöm (Jeanette Hain)

The countess is very vain and constantly bugs the count about her looks.  He is very much no longer into the marriage which is the bases of all his therapy sessions.  When he finds the girl who looks like his first love named Emily (Cornelia Ivancan) the count devises a plan where he uses her boyfriend Viktor to distract the countess while he works on Emily.  He tells her that Viktor can paint her so she can see how beautiful she is. These painting sessions don't really go well as Viktor is very clumsy and multiple times ends up hurting himself leaving the countess to try to control her blood lust long enough to get the paining done.

Eventually Viktor finishes the painting which ends up looking like Emily which the countess doesn't notice.  When she goes back to the castle to show the count she catches him with Emily.  When she realizes the painting is of her this sends her into a rage and she attacks and bites Emily.

The count takes Emily to his therapist to watch over her while he figures out how to keep her human.  While this happens Viktor finds her there in bed with the therapist and thinks she's seducing him when she's actually biting him. 

Emily has very little memory of what's been going on as she's always hypnotized during her meetings with the the count. She does realize she's now a vampire and let's Viktor know that she wants to turn him so they can be together forever.

This is short lived as the countess kidnaps both and ties them up leading to a final battle between the count and countess that ends with her accidentally staking herself while trying to stake the count as a neighbor opens the door leading to her running into it.

Before they can relax the counts servant kidnaps Emily and gives her a blood transfusion taking away her vampirism. When she realizes she's human again she begs the count to turn her back when the count finds her.   He attempts to bite her but in the process ends up getting her neckless and losing his fangs.  After realizing this he disappears into the night.

The film ends with the therapist reading up on the side effects of being bitten by a vampire and the counts servant is his newest patient.  The last scene shows Viktor and Emily and their life together with her now being a vampire.

Final Opinion: Can't say enough positive about this film  It's a very entertaining dark comedy with a very clever take on jealousy and toxic relationships as well as one of the few films to dive into the concept of a vampire bride not being cool with the wandering eyes of the count.  Most importantly you have a movie with a strong female vampire lead who is a predator and not a sympathetic character in any way and the object of the male vampires lust does get turned and you don't have to wait until the last 2 seconds of the film for it to happen.  For that I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Blood Woods"

The Gist: A group of bank robbers end up taking a family hostage after their getaway car breaks down who unknowingly are being protected by a vampire.

Female Vampire Factor: The first member of the bank robber crew to get turned is the only female of the group.  She's attacked by the main vampire while outside and when she returns she's banged up and complaining of extreme thirst.

Her brother who is also part of the robbers tries to get her out.  After he gets her into the car she fangs out and bites him (turning him).

She's not seen again until the scene where she is killed via being shot in the head after she attacks three of the female hostages.

It's also revealed that the old woman of the family is also a vampire but she is immobile, doesn't speak and is fed through blood cookies.

Final Opinion: This is a very low budget production so expect your average low budget movie issues like poor awkward scripting and bad lighting.  The biggest issue I have with this film is just the horridly slow pacing.  The film has a run time of about an hour and half but maybe an hour of it is the actual movie with the rest being a lot of fluff. By fluff I'm talking lots of establishing shots of trees on top of an intro and outro that establishes the film as part of a TV show that some backwoods person is watching on their TV while holding women hostage which promotes the video you're already watching or have watched. (Basically the actual film doesn't start till about 25 minutes in and ends 10 minutes before the ending credits)

The main story once it gets going is decent with the only complaint again being the start and stop pacing.  Basically Imagine From Dusk till Dawn (which, along with John Carpenters Vampires seems to be it's inspiration) but take away the fast paced story that reflects the gecko brothers attempt to escape the authorities and replace it with them sitting in the camper and talking about their day until vampire stuff happens. Basically it's an action horror that was awkwardly produced like it was a drama though no real dramatic stuff happens. 

I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  Only two vampiress scenes but they along with the backwoods meat shop parody commercial are probably the best thing in the film.  I definitely put this one on the list of "would be more enjoyable if a lot of stuff would have been kept on the cutting room floor or re-edited" category.

Vampiress Review: "Savage Creatures"

The Gist: A pair of vampires try to escape a small down after it's overrun by aliens that turn humans into zombies.

Female Vampire Factor: The films protagonists are a pair of teenage looking vampires.

Final Opinion: If you fast forward past the first 30 minutes (which revolves around a pair of super religious cannibals picking up the girls who were hitchhiking and trying to eat them) the film is kind of ok. That first portion of the movie acts more like a prequel to the rest of the movie instead of seaming like it's a part of it since it revolves around the cannibals.  You know the ones who get killed in the first 30 minutes and have nothing to do with the majority of the movie being they die before all the main plot happens.

If you skip that then you get a zombie survival horror film about two girls trying to survive an alien infested town with the twist of them being vampires just being an added bonus that doesn't get played up enough to be honest.  Outside their meet up with a priest and a nun who figure them out their vampire side only gets used as an occasional plot element to get them out of situations (Being bit by the zombies and attacked by the aliens doesn't effect them).

 I give this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  The girls fang out twice (once at the cannibals and once at the priest and nun), only have one segment where they actually bite someone but after they kill the cannibals the fangs are out during conversation (while they're complaining about the world basically) until the alien portion of the film starts.   Eliminate the cannibal part and make the movie about a group of people in a small town trying to survive a zombie apocalypse while not knowing that two of the survivors are also a supernatural threat to them would have made this much better similar to the film the Faculty.

Vampiress Review: "Dead Frequency"

The Gist: A group of vampires try to live a normal life working at a radio station in England but get into trouble when government agents start to close in on them as well as having their own weird personal issues to deal with.

Female Vampire Factor: All the women in the film are vampires or become vampires.  The only one who actually does anything vampiric is the character Emily (Michaela Marshall)

She gets angry at the new human station manager Diane for threatening their jobs when she catches Emily along with one of the radio hosts having sex in the studio.

 Emily follows Diane home and in front of her home strips her topless then bites her.

This is the only time a vampire fangs out in the movie.  Diane technically does turn but is killed off screen at the end of the film.

Final Opinion: This one tries to be a drama but the mood is all over the place.  I would have loved this to have been more of a dark comedy as I did find myself laughing more than feeling for the characters to an enjoyable degree actually.  Then when I realized "oh this is supposed to be serious" it took the enjoyment down a peg because as a dramatic movie it's bad. I assume that this is why it is listed as "comedy" in listings for it even though when watching you can clearly see the film was not intended to be funny as the topics it touches on are serious and pretty much the entire soundtrack is somber slow songs.  On top of that it's got a total non ending, basically one of those situation where the movie just stops, no resolution of anything.  Just credits after a scene with the government agent stating they're about to go after the vampires one by one. 

I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  The Emily bite scene is great and is literally the only thing keeping it from a 1.

Vampiress Review: "Bloodrunners"

The Gist: Crooked small town cops in the prohibition era 1930's bite off more than they can chew when the speakeasy they try to shake down for bribes ends up being run by vampires.

Female Vampire Factor:  One of the vampires pays a visit to a cat house one evening and takes a bite out of one of the whores Violet (Tammy Jean).

Later in the film as the cops go to the cathouse for comfort she finally turns and drains a cop.  She doesn't last much longer after that as she's staked the next time you see her as the main human characters raid the speakeasy (the vampires come and retrieve her after she turns and takes her back).

The master vampire Chesterfield played by Ice T has a female vampire that he is regularly attached to who's a lounge singer at the speakeasy named Alexandra (Julie Ek).  In most scenes he's training her in how to enjoy blood drinking basically

She doesn't do anything really vampiric and much like the other female vampire is staked shortly after the first time you see her fang out in the last ten minutes. 

Final Opinion: This in reality is about 10 to 15 minutes of actual vampire movie that takes place at the end of a somewhat hard to follow period movie.  I put it in the category of a film that tries to do way too much when the main premise was more than enough to fill an hour and a half.  Instead of telling one story well it tells a bunch of them poorly to where you're introduced to a ton of characters that you have no attachment to whatsoever to really care what happens to them.  I give this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  The scene of Violet turning is what you're looking for if you do decide to check it out but the overall enjoyment factor of the film isn't that great.  Everytime it feels like the momentum of the movie is about to go up it shuts itself down with unneeded backstory and side tracking.