Vampiress TV Review: "I Didn't Do It"

"Bite Club"

Season 2

Episode 18

The Gist: "I didn't do it" revolves around a twin brother and sister and their friends and aired for two seasons on The Disney Channel in the US from 2014 to 2015. 


Female Vampire Factor: The Characters Jasmin and Lindy run into a strange man named Vlad who is trying to recruit people to give blood.  Lindy is happy to do so but Jasmine turns the offer down when she sees the guy has fangs. 

Lindy returns after giving blood light headed by Vlad.  Jasmin notices that she has two marks on her neck and believes that Vlad bit her.

Jasmin shows up later to watch horror movies with Lindy who is now in all black and laying like a corpse on the couch.

Lindy then sprouts fangs and chases Jasmin around before eventually revealing that the whole thing was a prank.

Final Opinion:  The vampire portion of this episode was great and Olivia Holt with fangs was a perfect payoff even if just as a prank.  Problem is this was only a small portion of the episode with the other two plots ranging from weird to just hard to watch.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

Where to Watch

Vampiress Review: "Daytime"

The Gist: A musician falls in love with a nightclub singer who ends up being a vampire and their relationship struggles dealing with her lack of control of her blood lust.

Female Vampire Factor: We start with a guy named Andre watching a woman named Rose singing at a club.  He confronts her saying he's tired of waiting in order to see her then they kiss.

8 months later they're together in a van.  We see that they're out of vials of something.  She asks Andre who is now her boyfriend if he loves her unconditionally.  He says yes and they begin to make out in the back of the van.  She then sprouts fangs and bites him as we find out she's a vampire. 

She panics and takes off.  We then see that she has thoughts of feeding on him that she struggles with whenever they're close.

She eventually comes back to the van where Andre tries to convince her that it's time to move on to the next city.  She instead convinces him to go to a bar for a night out. Again they begin to kiss resulting in her thinking about biting him. She gives the excuse that she has to go to the bathroom but ends up instead finding a random guy to feed on but gets caught before she can do it.

The guy ends up hitting Rose with a bottle and Andre attacks him in order to defend her.  When Andre goes to see if Rose is ok her blood lust leads her to attack him.

She comes to her senses just in time and they argue with Rose trying to convince Andre that he is better off without her before she eventually starts getting very ill.

We then find out that this was really a story Andre wrote for his girlfriend Rose who in actuality is in drug rehab showing that the blood lust in the story was just an analogy for her heroin addiction.

Final Opinion: I've always preferred vampire films where vampirism isn't just a personality trait or an alternative lifestyle but instead something that can't be controlled so the drug addiction analogy is perfect as it's never made sense to me in media where vampires never deal with uncontrollable blood lust and live perfectly normal lives.  Vampires should be monsters and Rose definitely falls into that category even if a sympathetic one.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5. 

Vampiress Review: Lilith (2013)

The Gist: A Vampire meets a call girl and they develop a fast relationship where they help each other out with their problems.

Female Vampire Factor: The film immediately introduces us to our vampire protagonist where we're shown that she struggles with what she is.  Not wanting to kill she attempts to feed from blood bags but her body immediately rejects it.

When she goes out she sees a prostitute being manhandled by one of her clients and she steps in to save her.

The prostitute then takes the vampire back to her brothel where she introduces her to the owner and she is given a job.  On her first night one of the brothels regulars gets a bit too handsy with the vampire girl who then uses her strength against him to the delight of her prostitute friend. We then find that the relationship between the two is more than just platonic as the two kiss.

The prostitute caring too much about the vampire tells her to leave as she doesn't want her to be in that lifestyle.  The next day we see the vampire going through a truck full of medical supplies looking for more blood bags.  When the driver of the truck comes back he informs her if she has cash he has no problem getting her the blood she needs.

She does not which brings her back to the brothel to make money.  The handsy client from before returns and picks her for sex.  When he gets too physical with her she decapitates him with our last view being her covered in his blood holding his head.

Final Opinion: Not much to go on as a vampire movie as the vampire in this story goes out of her way to not do anything vampiric.  I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  Outside of the establishing that she lives on blood bags this can pretty much pass as any movie about girls who do sex work out of necessity as even the lesbian relationship never really gets any screen time once established.