Female vampires once ruled the world. Now they are overlooked for glittering guys with big hair. It's time to point out why the female of the species should be the center of attention.
The Gist: An artist dying of cancer ends up having a vampire as his latest model.
Clarification: So this film goes more into the artsy category and has little to no horror in it whatsoever. Max falls into the tragic artist cliche. He is a successful painter who is being pressured to come up with something for a gallery opening. He has an addiction problem and on top of that finds out he has late stage lung cancer and is only given weeks to live which he hides from everyone he knows but attempts throughout the movie to make amends and say goodbye to people without them knowing that's what he's doing.
Female Vampire Factor: This brings us to Vivian (Sarah Roemer)
Vivian is a vampire who is very touchy about her looks. When people compliment her beauty it tends to annoy her and those people end up becoming her victims.
You see being a vampire she hasn't seen herself in the mirror since she was turned and the thing she wants the most in life is to see herself which is when she tracks down Max after seeing one of this paintings at a club.
So both of them can help each other, she can be the subject of a painting that he needs to make and she can finally see herself the way others see her in return. The rest of the film goes on about emotions and trust since both of them are hiding secrets and apparently they need to let each other in fully for this to work. There's also a side story about an investigation into one of her victims but it's barely touched on.
Biggest Complaint: No fangs, her eyes change color and she just appears where she wants too but otherwise not too much supernatural about her. I give this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5. It's a tragic drama film. Not much of a vampire film.
The Gist: A guy is turned into a vampire after being set up with a vampire call girl
Clarification: So a guy named Christian talks to apparently his boss on the phone, boss gives him the day off and leaves him a card which we find out is to a call girl which he calls. She comes over, it looks like they're going to have sex but instead she sprouts fangs and bites him. He wakes up the next day tripping out as he slowly turns to a vampire eventually losing control and biting a women. That's when it's revealed his boss was a vampire all along and set him up because the vampires are recruiting and Christian was chosen. Unfortunately he's not too happy about it.
Selling Point: A lot of fang play here.
Female Vampire Factor: The vampire prostitute in the film is played by (Sarah Cragg)
As mentioned we later find out that this was really a big conspiracy to turn Christian and not just a chance meeting that the prostitute suggested to him happened to be a vampire.
She isn't the only female vampire in the short film as once Christian starts to turn he starts to hallucinate that everyone around him is a vampire while in a crowded restaurant with a couple of women in the mix.
I give this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5. It's a well done short even if the story is cliche.
The Gist: A priest and the son of an empress try to protect a young woman from a vampire who needs her to create a new breed of vampire that can walk in daylight.
Clarification: So this film is in Russian but does have English subtitles. It's an old school Dracula style film. Your run of the mill village in the shadow of a castle is scared of the vampire who lives in it story. The story is very similar to the Van Helsing movie actually which also had a vampire trying to create an army of vampires while harassing a village story.
The story revolved around a girl named Melina (Aglaya Shilovskaya). The vampire in this had his way with her mother so she is a spawn of a human and a vampire so her blood is the key to giving vampires the ability to walk in daylight (like the Van Helsing TV show) so keeping her away from them is the key to saving humanity.
Female Vampire Factor: (SPOILER ALERT)
This is one of those does she or doesn't she films were you spend the whole thing wondering if the one girl everyone is losing their mind over gets turned. Well the answer is....Kind of. The main vampire does get her (see below) and does his blood mixing whatever to her. This results in her pretty much turning.
But in a large amount of fairy tale deus ex machina the man who loves hers blood accidentally dripping into her mouth while he's trying to force himself to destroy her cures her almost immediately after.
Biggest Complaint: The vampires in this movie are pretty much just a hoard of zombies. They don't have fangs and attack in large groups like any other zombie movie. Outside of Melina's turn you get one group of female vampire extra's that get screen time for 2 or 3 seconds at a time during the attacks.
I give the film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5. It's a good movie but nothing that hasn't been done before and no eye candy to set it apart.
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The Gist: A very socially awkward guy must save himself from his beautiful co-worker and her family who are vampires looking to him as their next meal.
Clarification: This movie is downright great and downright awful at the same time. It's one of those films where had they stayed with one storyline (specifically the "guy lusting after the girl who ends up being a blood thirsty monster" one) it would have been one of my favorites but instead it ventures off the beaten path to low budget dumb comedy and giving the vampire family it's own sub-storyline humanizing them where it wasn't needed. In fact, the family and the "comedy" (it's not funny whatsoever) wasn't needed at all unless you think a running gag of the entire town being hard drug addicts is hilarious. In fact if you just go in and take all mentions of the vampire family and drugs out of the film it's one hell of a horror movie. With it in there its barely something that can be taken seriously.
Selling Point: One word "Carmilla"! The best use of the novelty retractable fangs I've probably ever seen.
Female Vampire Factor: As mentioned the main and only watchable portions of the film revolve around the daughter of the family Carmilla (Sherri Lee). She is seen in most of the scenes in which a vampire kills someone usually seducing them before she does it.
Joe eventually gets the nerve to ask her out and after their date they go parking where she makes out with him before eventually fanging out (he would be her 3rd victim by this point in the film). Just before she takes a bite out of him a slayer saves him by attacking Carmilla's brother Edward who usually ambushes her victims.
For the rest of the film until their final encounter she haunts him in his sleep
and occasionally taunts him over the phone after attacking people he knows
Even when she finally does meet her demise it's while trying to seduce Joe.
That movie sounds awesome right? Well it is and Sherri Lee is damn good in this, unfortunately all throughout it you have to deal with a weird incest storyline where she comes off as a pouting and complaining teenager who has a sexual relationship with her father and brother who both want her for themselves. Also because of this her father interferes in some of that dream seducing as well. Pretty much killing what is otherwise great storytelling and mood setting that any of them can be taken seriously as a threat.
Also in the film her mother and aunt are vampires. They're pretty pointless to the plot though and fall into the "pointless time filler" parts of the movie as most of the family scenes are.
Then in the films finale when they go after the Count he has 3 brides that he sicks on Joe and the slayer (who are also seen earlier in the film during Joe and Carmilla's date trying to seduce Joe in a bathroom).
I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5. It get's an easy 5 if we ever get a directors cut without the drugs as the film would have been perfect if the beginning was replaced with some type of storytelling making Joe a sympathetic figure who just broke up with this girlfriend (which is something that's thrown in matter of factly) with Carmilla being introduced as a temptress using his situation against him (instead of her just showing up in the background of a scene and then being asked out after 10 minutes of guys snorting drugs.)
With that change even the vampire family problems that turn what is otherwise a great vampire horror film into half a great vampire movie and half a terrible dark comedy about a backwoods family with boundary problems trying to get along can be forgiven. Even with that though anyone reading this will probably like this film a lot.
The Gist: Swedish adult film featuring several erotic scenes based on different horror monsters.
Clarifications: The movie is split up to several scenarios
Scene 1: A blond being loured to Dr. Frankendick's laboratory to have sex with the recently awoken Frankendick monster.
Scene 2: Two Indiana Jones style tomb raiding women exploring a pyramid that leads to them having sex with a mummy as well as each other.
Scene 3: Two women are stuck in the middle of no where when their car breaks down. One of them is turned into a werewolf who then goes after her friend sexually.
Scene 4 we'll get to this later.
Scene 5: Dr Jekyll takes a potian which instead of turning him into a monster turns him into an attractive woman named Ms Hyde. He then takes advantage of his new sexual situation with a lesbian opera singer. (this scene is in English)
Scene 6: Dr. Frankendick and his sexy assistant create a bride but have to arouse her sexually to bring her to life.
Female Vampire Factor: Scene 4
In this scene a vampire (Angelica Guldlock) stalks a frightened and running maiden (Tanya Kinky). The vampiress eventually catches up with the maiden and not only bites her but proceeds to have her way with her victim sexually. Eventually Count Drakola joins in leading to a threesome that turns the maiden into one of the un-dead.
Selling Point: The scenes are hit or miss but the two that involved fanged women are definitely the highlight of the film and the least cheesiest of the scenarios. I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.
