Vampiress Review: "Meet Market"

In this short film a man is out on a date with a woman he met off the internet. 

During the date his wife calls and asks him to come home so he cuts the date short using the excuse that his mother was ill.

The young lady follows him home just to see him lovingly interact with his wife which doesn't sit well with her resulting in us finding out she's a vampire.

So she goes and knocks on the door just to be happily greeted by her dates wife who assumes her to be one of his friends.  When the wife leaves the room he confronts the girl just to be presented with fangs and she attacks, killing both he and his wife.

The story ends with her updating her online dating profile.

Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.

Meet Market from Amanda Jane Smith on Vimeo.

Vampiress Review: "Pillow Biters"

In this short a group of girls are having a slumber parter.  First they try to watch Nasforatu but end up turning it off because it's too fake.

After that they decide they need to kill time because they're waiting for a pizza to arrive.  During this time they do lot's of stereotypical hot girl at a slumber party stuff. 

Eventually the Pizza guy arrives and that's when we learn that this was a group of vampires and the meal they were looking for was the pizza guy.

The short ends with the actions just being a TV show being watched by monsters who announce "Girls hot, movie bad"

I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.  Reminds me of my favorite episode of Smallville.

Pillow Biters from John Morgan Curtis on Vimeo.

The Sexy Female Vampires of "Being Human" (UK version)

Being Human is a series that aired on BBC 3 in the UK for five seasons starting in 2008.  It follows the story of a ghost named Annie, a murder victim stuck haunting the house she died in, a werewolf named George who's neurotic and doesn't have much common sense so he seems to get in his own way a lot to an annoyingly hard to watch degree and a vampire named Mitchel who's trapped between trying to live with humans and being peer pressured into eating them.  All three live together in a flat in South Whales trying to live a normal life but constantly dealing with the stresses of their conditions. That is until the fourth season which became a reboot after the majority of the original cast announced their departure following season 3's finally with all being gone by season 5 which without any of the characters that carried the show became the shows final season.

For my review of the American version which aired on Syfy click HERE. 

Lauren Drake (Annabel Scholey) 

Lauren is a one night stand of the vampire Mitchel who he turns after he loses control in the shows pilot episode.  Once she is resurrected and without Mitchel to guide her she becomes whats best described as a blood junky getting blood from wherever she can find it. She is conflicted between hating Mitchel and wanting him sexually and uses sex appeal to try to get Mitchel into her life (including vampire porn).  By the end of the first season she can't stand what she's become and asks Mitchel to end it for her which he does.  Her only fang out moment is her introduction as a vampire below from the shows first episode.

Cara (Rebecca Cooper)

Cara is one of vampire leader Herrich's hench women in season one of the series.  After Mitchel stops Herrich and takes over the vampires in season 2 he places a rule that vampires cannot feed anymore.  In Episode 3 of that season "Long Live the King" Cara breaks this rule by feeding on some teenage girls that she saw picking on another girl (who she turns) and is eventually punished.  She never does anything vampiric for the rest of the series and her character eventually kills herself in season 3 when the reincarnated Herrich rejects her.

Season 2, Episode 6: "In the Morning"
This episode has a flashback where a priest saves a young girl from a group of vampires who attacked her mother.

Daisy (Amy Manson)

Daisy is a vampire introduced in the shows second season.  Her and her maker come to town to attack George for revenge for killing Herrick.  Eventually we find out she's really a bit of a nympho who pretty much wants to screw George and then Mitchell.  The only time we see her fang out is episode 7 of the season titled "Damage" in which her and Mitchell attack a group of passengers on a subway after Mitchell loses his humanity as retaliation for the loss of his fellow vampires by slayers.  She eventually disappears and we find out matter of factly in season 3 that she was murdered by a werewolf.

Emma Hargraves (Melanie Walters)

Emma along with her husband are introduced in the second episode of the third season titled "Adam's Family".  In that episode George and his werewolf girlfriend Nina take in an orphaned vampire named Adam after his father passes away.  When they feel they can't take care of him and with Mitchel wanting nothing to do with him Mitchel suggests a friend who can find people who can take him in.  Once Emma and her husband Richard take him in poor Adam finds himself in the middle of a vampire swingers house filled with a bunch of people dressed in S&M outfits.  Basically this episode is softcore cougar porn.  While Emma doesn't fang out in the episode there is a female at the party being licked on who does have fangs out.

Season 4, Episode 3: "The Graveyard Shift"
In this episode the flatmates have to protect George and Nina's baby Eve from a group of vampires.  One of which is a female.

Michaela Thompson (Laura Patch)

Michaela is an odd goth woman who frequents the cafe where Hal and Tom work (the vampire and werewolf of seasons 4 and 5 respectively) also in the third episode of season 4.  She ends up at the wrong place at the wrong time and ends up back at the flat with Hal and Tom when they rescue her from the vampires sent by the old ones to attack the cafe.  Eventually those vampires end up confronting them there and hold her hostage.  They slit her throat presumably killing her but then at the episodes end it's revealed that the vampire Regus turned her and has decided to form a relationship with her.

Golda (Amanda Abbington)

Golda was a vampire in the 6th episode of season 4 titled "Puppy Love".  She comes in as the main antagonist of the episode preparing for the arrival of the "old ones" but is eventually stopped by werewolves Tom and Allison.

There were other female vampires in the series but I only included those who fanged out and had enough screen time for anyone to notice.

Vampiress Review: "The Understudy: Graveyard Shift 2"

The Gist: While filming a vampire movie, a horror movie set is haunted by the spirit of a vampire who needs a sacrifice to be resurrected.

Clarification: A vampire movie about people making a vampire movie this film gets very confusing at times since it jumps from the actors as the actors to the actors playing the characters quite a bit.

What we have is a movie crew making a film about a vampire pool shark who takes their victims via beating them in games of pool where they bet their souls (an episode of the TV show "Monsters" would debut with this exact premise a month after this movies release).  The female lead in the movie is visited by the spirit of a vampire who is attempting to convince her to take out her co star so he can posses his body.  Once he possesses a body he can fully resurrect himself if he takes enough victims.  Before this happens the starlet Camilla convinces him to posses her instead and the rest of the film is her suffering the affects of slowly turning into a vampire while the vampire possessing her manipulates the cast and crew of the film.

The vampire in this film Baisez is played by the same actor who portrayed the vampire in the original Graveyard Shift film who then was a cab driver named Stephen Tsepes.  The safe assumption is they are the same person.  The soap opera Port Charles would copy this for their own vampire storyline in which the vampire Caleb Morely would come back from death in a different story arch as a rock musician named Steven Clay (after also being known as Father Micheal prior to the vampire storyline but all eventually being exposed as the same person).

Selling Point:  This film has been out of print for years and pretty impossible to find so good or bad it's a collectors item.

Female Vampire Factor:  The lead actress in the film (both real and fictional film in film) Camilla (Wendy Gazelle) is also the only female vampire in the film.

Once she's possessed by the vampire Baisez he initially is in his normal form when he does his feeding at night and becomes her during the day but eventually they begin to operate as two separate people and she becomes a vampire herself. Something that her fiance notices right away (mainly because she starts to treat him like garbage).

(SPOILER ALERT) despite Baisez being stopped (again) the rule of "if the vampire who turns you is killed you go back to normal" does not exist here.  Thankfully the film producers are super cool about one of their stars killing or attempting to kill the others so they just rewrite the film with her as the vampire instead of the vampires victim as it was originally planned.

I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  The film drags and the movie they're making seems downright terrible so the entertainment value is mid range since half the film is watching that.  It is worth checking out if you liked the original though.

Related:
 "Graveyard Shift: Central Park Drifter"

Vampiress Review: "Graveyard Shift: Central Park Drifter"

The Gist: A Vampire who holds a night job as a cab driver confronts women who want to die and turns them into vampires with his latest target being a video producer dying of cancer. 

Clarification: The films title was changed to "Central Park Drifter" in later DVD productions more than likely to not confuse it with the Steven King book/movie of the same title.  In it a cab driver named Stephen Tsepes  picks up women who are down on their luck and want to die.  When he realizes their situations he has sex with them and bites them.  The issue with this is the women end up falling in love with him and he just goes on to the next one.  That leaves the city full of female vampires murdering people left and right.  That means half the film is Stephen going after a married film producer dying of cancer and half of the film being cops trying to solve the murders showing up in the morgue with bite marks and drained of all their blood.

Female Vampire Factor:  As mentioned there are quite a few female vampires in the film.  The biggest turn off is that when they vamp out in the film they look like they're covered in baby powder.

But in the "do they are don't they" question about the main female of the film Michelle (Helen Papas).

 The answer is indeed yes she does turn.  Though it wasn't much of a question of if in the film as much as when since she was a willing victim and she's a vampire in a dream sequence earlier in the film.

But when it does happen she is the only one to not get the white powder treatment.

I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of  3 out of 5.  This was one of my favorite vampire films of the 80's along with the "To Die For" and "Fright Night" franchises.  Once you've seen those you've seen the best 80's vampire franchises. 

Related
"The Understudy: Graveyard Shift 2"

Vampiress TV Review: "Phobia"

"Don't Look In the Closet"
Season 2

Episode 5

The Gist: A young boy is frightened because he dreams a vampire is in his closet.

Clarification: This is a web series that consists of shorts dedicated to horror stereotypes and cliches. This particular episode is a sequel to the season 1 episode "Shadow Puppets" in which a man is running from a vampire and once he goes out a door you see that he was an imaginative young kid in his closet and the vampire was a stuffed doll.

Selling Point: It's not the highest of quality but none the less the concept is very good.  This particular episode wasn't even 3 minutes long. 

Female Vampire Factor: (Spoiler Alert!)

The episode starts with the child from that previous episode mentioned above having his mother tell him its time for bed and no playing after she leaves the room. 

When she leaves, the vampire emerges from his closet but he is saved at the last second by a slayer.

Once again we see that the whole incident was a figment of the kids imagination with the kid having stuck a pencil in the heart of the vampire doll.

When the kid leaves to likely tell the his mom what happens he finds her as a vampire herself feeding on a victim.

I've always loved the "main character was a vampire all along and you didn't know it" twist when it comes to plot twist since it usually means a big payoff when you've spent the whole movie hoping something would happen.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.

Vampiress Model: Kristina Fey

Kristina Fey was a popular amateur model in the early 2000's who was known for her youthful appearance.  After years of non-nude gallerias she eventually got into softcore nudes and lesbian scenes which would be posted on her site.  Below is a Halloween themed shoot as a female vampire (no fangs)