Vampiress XXX Review: "Vampire Town"

The Gist: A man must search for his girlfriend when she goes missing after being invited to a party by a couple of vampires..

Clarification:  So this is a six part online series produced by Penthouse in a similar light to what Lust Bite was for Brazzers.  Basically a couple go to a party (where they and the hosts are the only attendees). One of the hosts takes a liking to the female in the couple and takes her. The guy of the couple goes around asking questions to others around in hopes of finding her to pretty much reveal that the whole town is full of vampires with the party host they met being the one asshole vamp of the crew with the rest just being nice horny bloodsucking women.  By the films end the couple gets back together with her now being a vampire and wanting to turn him.

Selling Point: Every female in the series at some point does turn.

Female Vampire Factor:  As mentioned this is divided into six parts.  The main female of the series who eventually gets turned is played by Tiffany Star.

This doesn't happen until the sixth video of the series.  The rest of the vampires of the series are one off appearances dealing with Tiffanys boyfriend looking for her.  They are played by

- Victoria White (in Part 2 (but her only scene with fangs is her brief appearance in part 1)as the accomplice of the evil kidnapping vampire)

 - Asa Akira (Part 3)

 Charyse Evans from part 4

- and an unknown female that I can't find a credit for in part 5 which is no longer listed on the Penthouse site.  She plays the sister of the evil vampire "Seth"

So basically you have a story about a guy looking for the love of his life while cheating on her several times along the way.  It's an ok film but the direction could have used a bit of work with the vampires of the film just basically coming off like hot pornstars with fangs and not very vampiric (IE the acting was well..like you expect from porn stars which is non existent).  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.

Vampiress XXX Review: "Twilight of Virginity"

The Gist:  A Vampire sets his sights on the new virgin in town but he's not the only vampire who senses her and he must protect her from the others.

Clarification: A cheap not well thought out attempt to capitalize on the Twilight craze.  The parody aspect is very loosely based on the film with the bulk of it being basically just a stereo-typically cheap porn that has some slight plot similarities to Twilight.

Selling Point: Nope

Female Vampire Factor: In theory every female in the film but the "Bella" character is a vampire but there are no fangs, no biting and pretty much no real vampirism in the film.  Their obsession as stated in the gist is taking the girls virginity and that plot is reserved mainly for the guys as the women are just vagina's for the guys to have sex with in between the plot related scenes.

 I didn't think you could get worse than the actual Twilight film but this actually finds a way to do it.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  To get a better version of nearly the same premise without the Twilight references check out the film "I am Virgin".

Twilight of Virginity - Spoof Feature brought to you by Spankwire

Vampiress XXX Review: "Vampires White Training"

The Gist: When a vampire kidnaps a schoolgirl to make her his bride it's up to a female vampire superhero to save her.

Clarification:  This film falls into the category of cosplay porn.  While it is in the vampire genre the main premise is more along the lines of superhero vs villain and rape/molestation more than horror.  The film only really has a few scenes and those mostly consists of one of the female protagonists being tied up and molested by the male villain.

Selling Point: It does have a couple of lesbian scenes in it including one really really weird lesbian molestation scene consisting of armpit licking.

Female Vampire Factor: The lead hero is played by the ultra sexy Ayaka Tomoda.

 The schoolgirls she is attempting to save (May Katsuragi) does get turned later in the film and is used as a trap to get her captured.

 

 As most japanese fetish style films go it is straight and to the point.  You're in it for something specific and it gives it to you without trying to pretend it's something that it's not.  If you want women with fangs in costumes playing out those costume fantasies without over or under productions you will get what you want here.  The sex scenes are a bit lengthy but that's good or bad depending on your individual tastes but fangs are always out and costumes stay at least partially on so the fetish is always adhered too.   It gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "The Sins of Dracula"

The Gist: A devil worshiping theater director sacrifices his actors in order to resurrect Dracula.

Clarification: What we have here is an independent film attempt at your basic Hammer horror Dracula storyline but with a comedic twist.  You have the stereotypical authority figure that has a hidden agenda and a bunch of innocents that end up being vampire food for the resurrected Dracula.

The humor comes in the form of the over the top personality stereotypes of the actors.  One gay, one a nerd, one who's obsessed with the 1980's and one who's a religious prude and his girlfriend who's trying to get him to lighten up.

The film is not terrible with the only real complaint I have being that the pacing is kind of slow.  Specifically with so much time being spent on the religious characters internal struggle with whether he should have premarital sex which really doesn't effect the film other than giving an excuse for a few comedic PG-13 sex scenes and a rather stupid ending scene.

Selling Point/Female Vampire Factor:  The film goes two for two in the female vampire department.  First you have the nerd girl Traci (Samantha Acampora)

She also happens to be the vampire that lives the longest not to mention they do what most films like this does with the nerdy girl and sex her up toward the films end.

Finally you have your twist ending where the damsel in distress Shannon (Sarah Nicklin) gets saved just to reveal that she's a vampire and bites her hero.

She doesn't last too long after this point though

I wouldn't call the film a must watch but if it's available and there's nothing better around you can do worse.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: I married a Vampire

The Gist: A small town girl moves to the big city and struggles until she meets and falls for a vampire.

Clarification: It's a Troma film and a low end one at that which means it looks and feels like 80's porn but without the sex.  The bulk of the film is just the girl Viola going through her growing pains of moving to the big city and being used by different people.  The vampire stuff is literally just the end of the film.

Basically the film starts with her picking her parents up from the airport.  They found out she got married and wanted to meet her new husband but she pitches a hissy fit about it.  They park after arguing and she eventually changes her mind and gives them her entire story from arriving to the city up to that point (so the film is a flashback).  During this she gets manipulated into getting a crappy apartment, makes friends with her neighbor who steals from her and gets her into trouble, joins a religious cult that takes her for her money and gets a job from a guy who rapes her.  Eventually she meets a vampire who she falls for and he helps her get revenge against everyone who wronged her. 

Selling Point: nope

Female Vampire Factor:  I think Viola (Rachel Golden) becomes one.  Toward the end it does show her approaching her old boss in a first person view as if she bites him but they don't show the bite.  No fangs either.

I always groan when I pop in a new movie to review and that Troma opening starts because I know that means whatever comes after it is going to be painful to watch. This one was especially bad and no real payoff.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: Summer of Blood

The Gist: The most annoying person on the planets love life is turned around for the better when he is turned into a vampire.

Clarification: Not the most realistic film in the world but Onur Tukel as "Erik" is downright obnoxious.  Not "Indy film writer just doesn't know how to make people seem human" obnoxious but strategically obnoxious.  Kind of like any character played by Sasha Baron Cohen.  He's stupid, annoying and completely unaware of how socially awkward he is. The unrealistic part of the film is just the fact that he's getting dates in order to show how socially awkward he is as someone like this in real life wouldn't probably be able to have a women give him the time of day let alone the number of dates he gets throughout this film for him to screw up (not to mention the film begins with his girlfriend proposing to him which he of course being awkward turns down).

It's not much of a vampire film as that portion of the film doesn't happen till much later and as mentioned in the gist the vampirism here is just used to heighten his abilities in bed.  It is shown that he has the power to hypnotize people but for some reason he never uses it on any of the women he's targeting and pretty much has to beg for their attention.

Selling Point/Female Vampire Factor: So any female Erik bites ends up turning which is a positive but they're only seen is various sex scenes with him and have no role outside of the PG-13 simulated sex.

The only one of his "victims" (they aren't really victims as they really enjoy both the sex and getting bitten which seems to have an ecstasy effect on them) is the co worker that he masturbates to at work Penelape (Dakota Goldhor).  He ends up biting her on his wedding night resulting in her following him back to his honeymoon sweet for more.

The film is an awkward at best comedy that starts out extremely annoying.  Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  A better vampire sexual comedy would be the film Vamp U. 

Vampiress Review: "The Angus Scrimm Chronicles: Vampires"

The Gist: A hunter of supernatural phenomenon and his apprentice go on the search for a deadly vampire queen.

Clarification: So this is one of those "me and my friends got together and made a movie" amateur films so don't expect much if you decide to watch it.  You get many staples of super amateur film making such as low res camera's, barely audible sound in outdoor scenes, use of cheap looking chroma key effects (green screen). Slow moving plot, Way too much unneeded dialogue and all around bad acting.   Basically it has an hour and twenty three minutes of run time that probably could have been done in an hour or less which would have made the enjoyment factor much better.

With that being said for a home made amateur film the bulk of it isn't that bad. In fact if you just skip through any scene that goes on way too long it's actually pretty enjoyable.  It somewhat has a "The Purge" aspect to it but with vampires which is notable since this film was produced in 2010 which is 3 years before "The Purge" came out.

Selling Point: If you're into home made amateur films then you will actually enjoy this one as it's on the high end of "cheaply bad".  Especially since unlike most low budget films the characters in this one seem to actually like each other when they're supposed to be friends instead of argue like most low budget films like to do.   

Female Vampire Factor: So this is where the major positive comes in since apparently Director Randy Robbins has a lot of fairly attractive female friends to fill a vampire film with.  Your main antagonist of the film is a vampiress named Elizabeth (Heather Barkley).

From there you have a bunch of minor vampire characters who actually get a lot of screen time with the most going to the characters Lynn and Simone.

Brynn Bybee as "Lynn"

Kelsey Fayles as "Simone"

It's amazing how sometimes the men and women with camcorders and an idea are better at story writing than those with multi thousand dollar budgets.  This is one of those films where if it had a real budget and an experienced editor would probably be phenomenal as it's watchable without those things despite the flaws (as long as you have the fast forward function handy).  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Cowboys vs Vampires"

The Gist: A corporation buys a western movie themed amusement attraction in order to open up a cavern containing Indian artifacts which ends up turning the cast into vampires and it's up to the star of the attraction to become a real life hero.

Clarification: An hour and a half film in which its pretty pedestrian for the first hour and ten minutes and pretty entertaining for the last twenty.  The bulk of the film concentrates on the boring personal life of western movie obsessed actor Johnny Dust (Jasen Wade).  He works as an actor in an amusement park because westerns aren't in style anymore and he's divorced due to alcoholism.  When they're not dealing with his dull back story they're mostly showing the rehearsal for this big Halloween attraction that the studio has planned. An attraction that come opening night becomes realistic as the actors playing vampire parts become actual vampires.

Selling Point: Former WWF announcer Sean Mooney makes a cameo in the film.

 The movie was made in Tuscon Arizona where he is a newscaster so he is used in a scene reporting on what happened at the park.

Female Vampire Factor: The lead actress in the production Gloria Valenzuela played by Angelica Celaya ends up being the main vampire in the film.

I guess she could have been the selling point of the film since she is smoking hot and she makes a VERY seductive vampire but her talent was wasted in this film.  Though she was the best thing about it her character was treated as an after thought despite being teased several times as a love interest/moral dilemma for lead character Johnny Dust.  Though a battle does ensue between her and Johnny's ex wife Sarah during the films finale, it's just thrown together randomly with the two not having any interaction before that.  They definitely missed out on what would have been a good "woman trying to save her family from a younger woman with evil intentions" story.  That would have been miles better than the "rehearsal at Six Flags Ponderosa goes wrong" story we got.

This film could have been so much more.  The last twenty minutes of the film is liken to a slasher horror film but fact is you have to deal with way too much dullness just to get to that point.  It's too bad since as stated Celaya was a great vampiress.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Drawing Blood"

The Gist: A man stuck serving a female vampire decides to stand up to her once he falls for her next victim.

Clarification:  It's a Troma film so don't expect much.  In fact the film starts off very serious and ends like a comedy.   It's not even subtle where it can be considered a dark comedy it is straight up dramatic for a full 50% of the film and downright slapstick for 50% like they decided they didn't like the script halfway through filming but didn't care to redo the scenes they already filmed.  This theory is further driven home by the fact that the synopsis given for the film has the vampire and her handler being brother and sister which is not the case in the actual film with the relationship between the two being explained in the later more comedic parts of the film.

So basically a guy goes out with a woman who ends up being a vampire who falls for him and wants to turn him. Since he's a giggalo he refuses her offer so basically the arrangement is he does her bidding and she doesn't turn him.  She has a weird art fetish so he has to bring her young women who she then drains of blood and uses the blood to paint with.  I would complain about the whole "vampire using the thing she needs to live as art supplies" thing but the entire movie pretty much dumps on vampire lore and blood lust really doesn't exist here.

Selling Point/Female Vampire Factor: Dawn Spinella made an awesome vampire as Diana.

This was amazing considering how poorly the story is told and how little screen time she gets despite being the films main antagonist.   Fact is had the story concentrated more on her obsession with "Edmond" (Kirk Wilson) it would have made a much better film than the "We'll figure it out as we go" jigsaw puzzle this film turnout out to be.

I give the film a Vampire Beauty rating of 2 out of 5.  It had potential but doesn't live up to it.  To get a story like this but told much better check out the film "Bitten".

Vampiress Model: Arabella Fae

Arabella Fae is a cam girl and cosplay model whose video clips can be purchased online though her ManyVids store which you can view HERE. Below is a video where she's masturbating while dressed as a Vampire Succubus.

Vampiress Model: Lucy Zara

Lucy Zara is a model and adult film actress in the United Kingdom who's been featured in many of the most well known magazine in existence.  She currently has her own website at LucyZara.com where she regularly posts hot photoshoots of herself.  Below is a Halloween photo shoot where she is a vampire rising from her coffin as well as a video where she is seducing the viewer while sporting a set of fangs.