Vampiress Model: Victoria Lawson

Lawson is an adult film actress out of Michigan.  Below is a video where she is a vampire hotel owner who sneaks into a business womans room to strip her naked and feed on her.

Vampiress Model: Sarah Blake

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Vampiress Review: "Planet of the Vampire Women"

The Gist: After doing a heist a group of space pirates have to fight for their own survival when they're infiltrated by vampires.

Clarification: This film was done in the light of the old school "USA Up all Night gratuitous hot women doing random stuff in cheesy film" movies.  It has plastic sets, CG that looks like you're watching an episode of the Transformers cartoons and generally a really corny story.  The thing is its a much better quality than what you would get in your average B film or even softcore porn.

Selling Point: Highly entertaining well done Sci Fi film despite it looking like it should be a corny low grade softcore porn (no sex at all in the film just tons of full frontal nudity and one "almost" scene). Also the character Astrid (Stephanie Hyden) who's character is a "pleasure clone" which apparently gives her the ability to change into various sex costumes at will just by popping her hips. Though they stop showing her doing it after she's turned

Female Vampire Factor: The first one turned is the Captain of the pirates played by Paquita Estrada

From there she goes missing and pretty much one by one turns the various other women of the crew.  Mainly the aforementioned Astrid (left) and Pepper (Ashley Marino right)

After that they steal a ship and head back to the casino they robbed previously and pretty much turn every female there as well.

(SPOILER ALERT) and yes the film does end with the whole "one of the two survivors gets revealed as a vampire" cliche (Liesel Hanson).

 This is a very entertaining film well worth the time.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night"

The Gist:  A Female vampire shows mercy and falls for a man whose life is surrounded by drugs.

Clarification:  This is an Iranian film in black and white.  It follows a guy named Arash whose father is a drug addict along with his friends.  On top of that his dad's pusher is constantly after him.  One night he meets a mysterious woman in a black Chador who takes him back to her place and they bond and the rest of the film follows their growing bond.

Selling Point:  The vampire in this film is pretty bad ass.
Female Vampire Factor: The Vampire in this film is played by Sheila Vand.

So she is not your standard "vampire with emotions" you see in modern media despite this films premise.  In fact most of her screen time when it comes to meeting any character she meets that's not Arash is basically someone she's going to kill and even with Arash she doesn't show much emotion it's just he's the guy she won't kill.

No special effects here, just fangs which is all you need.  The pace of the film is pretty slow and the storytelling falls into the "artsy" area.  Basically it's an adult Iranian version of "Let Me In/Let the Right One In".  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5. 

Vampiress Review: "Bloodsucking Bastards"

The Gist:  3 employees try to survive as a vampire co-worker with intentions of taking over the office kills co workers he hates and turns the ones he likes.

Clarification:  So basically we have the movie "Office Space" but one step further where the co-workers aren't just annoying they're blood sucking vampires.  The film starts out similar to office space in that you are introduced to an office and you get the different annoying quirks of the employees prior to the whole "vampire" portion starting.  Once everyone is introduced then it takes a darker (but still comedic) survival horror turn.

Selling Point: The movies climax is pretty entertaining.

Female Vampire Factor:  Only one female main character (Amanda played by Emma Fitzpatrick) but she doesn't get turned via the "main vampire waits to turn her last" cliche.  There are several females in the office with one being very attractive (Zabeth played by Yvette Yates) and she does get a few seduction scenes including an attempt at seducing the female main character (to no avail unfortunately).

Problem is on my end that when she does finally fang out its the demon vampire look.
This is made much worse in the fact that many of the rest of the vampires in the film are just pail people with fangs.  Not sure why she would be different.

 Thanks to the miracle of instagram she does take a picture with the fangs and without the makeup.

The pre horror office parts of the film aren't that entertaining. Unlike Office Space which was funny due to relate-able humor this office is mostly just a bunch of people with weird quirks that make all of them pretty annoying. Once those weird quirks get combined with the vampirism you get some pretty funny scenes out of it.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.

Where to Watch?

Vampiress Review: "Bloodsucka Jones"

The Gist: An idiot begins dating a girl but is stuck fighting for his life when it turns out her step brother is the leader of a group of preppy vampires who don't want him with her.

Clarification: So despite the name BloodSucka Jones is not a vampire, he's a vampire hunter who's a blacksploitation parody.  Also despite his name being the title of the film it isn't about him.  His character comes into play later after the goof with the vampire girlfriend hires another goof that thinks he's a hunter and they both need saving from the vampires.  He then helps train them to face the vampires along with his "hot Philippine chick" sidekick Vanessa.

The film is genuinely funny when it concentrates on the main plot.  It kind of looses itself once Bloodsucka Jones is introduced but finds it's way again.  Basically the sophomoric (stupid) humor of the two main characters and the vampires is better than the parody humor of Jones character which kind of feels out of place and forced.

Selling Point:  Everything

Female Vampire Factor:  You've got two main ones in the film

First there's Christine (Jessica Dercks)

She is the girlfriend that the vampires are trying to keep from dating.  As the story goes she's not a full vampire and must feed on her true love in order to fully turn.  Their plan was to scare David (the boyfriend) into breaking up with her so she'd kill him in revenge but he doesn't because he's not smart enough to recognize the danger and usually responds to the threats (which many times include physical violence) with some off the wall remark about something totally unrelated.

Then there's the female of the preppy vampire group Heather (Erin Holt)

She is the #2 in command of the group (group ranking of the members is a running gag throughout as one of the members is always trying to be #2 but keeps getting jumped in line by random people).  Her breasts get remarked on a lot and she is very particular regarding what she wears.  (SPOILER ALERT she dies after she's tricked into putting on a K-mart sweater!)

Outside of those two the only other female vampires consists of basically 10 or 20 other random hot women that show up throughout the film.

The women in this film are used very similar to the Howard Stern TV show "Son of the Beach" in that basically it has a plot that it follows and is done very well and is very funny but at the end of the day is just an excuse to throw hot women on camera.  I loved it and well worth viewing.  Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Dracula: The Dark Prince"

The Gist: In an attempt to get a weapon that can destroy him from the hands of vampire slayers Dracula ends up being reunited with the doppelganger of his long dead love.

Clarification:  Combine the story of Dracula with Uwe Bolls "Bloodrayne" and this is what you get.  A movie that is mostly knights and warriors than scares and horror. It's one of those films where Dracula starts out as the good guy who gets screwed over resulting in him becoming the bad evil vampire ruler but then somehow ends up the good guy again once the girl of his dreams shows up.

Selling Point: Decent movie if you're into medieval period films.

Female Vampire Factor:  While Dracula himself is a miserable loner his number 2 in command Renfield prefers to surround him with people for his entertainment that can eventually be turned to become a vampire army of sorts.  This results in Dracula's castle being full of sexy women.

 They are basically just eye candy for most of the film used for the occasionally frontal nudity shot.  It's not till the end that they are revealed to have all been turned and they fang out to defend their home.

It gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  They're there and in abundance but lumped together at the end of the film. As far as entertainment value it's middle of the road.  Not great but definitely not terrible or boring. 

Vampiress Review: "VampireLand: The 6th Extinction"

The Gist: Following a woman who is living through the extinction of the human race as vampires take over.

Clarification:  Basically just take the movie "Dark Town" and make it really, really bad.  It's a low budget film that tries to look like a high budget film in the early going then brings itself back to the level it should of been.  The first parts of the movie are filled with really cheesy looking (video game looking) CGI as the world starts to be blown up by meteors and vampires are throwing tanks and cars.  Then the rest of the movie takes place in a house (as the  movie is based around one random woman trying to survive) where you find out the Vampires follow all the old European folklore customs so in reality shouldn't be that hard to kill (doesn't like crosses, can't cross running water, no garlic or sunlight, Has to count multiple things in front of them, has to be invited in to come into a house etc).  This makes the premise of the entire film make no sense since in European folklore because of those things vampires fed by infiltrating humans and louring them into a false sense of security, not an all out war that could be won by spreading garlic like napalm and then building a moat.  This is especially bad since (unlike Dark Town) the vampires can't pass as human.  They're all sheet white with skeleton socket black makeup around their eyes with fangs.  They do have human cultists that help them but not enough that "taking over the world" would be believable.

Basically for this film to work (especially for the lack of budget and cast) it should of been a film about the cult that wanted the vampires to take over with them succeeding being the finale. 

Selling Point: None

Female Vampire Factor: There's two main character vamps in the mistress of the home owner the main character hides out at who shows up in the house as a vampire to kill his family and she ends up turning his wife.  None of this is worth writing home about.

Then there's one who turns the main characters blind date which tuns him into the main vampire of the film but she disappears after this scene.

Outside of that this is an easy Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  Avoid this one and if you haven't seen Dark Town watch that instead.