Vampiress Model: Meana Wolf

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The Vampiress Episode: "Penny Dreadful"

Season 1

Penny Dreadful is a television series which has aired on the Showtime premium television network since 2014.  The show takes place in the 19th century and bases it's stories around characters from 19nth century British Novels.  In other words, its "The League of Extraordinary Gentleman" the TV series at a much slower pace. 

Each season revolves around story arcs dealing with subjects from those novels.  The series opening storyline revolved around vampires.  Specifically, Sir Malcom Murray (Timothy Dalton) and psychic Vanessa Ives (Eva Green) recruiting a group of people to help find Malcoms daughter and Vanessa's best friend Mina.   If you've put two and two together then that would make his daughter "Mina Murray" aka Jonathon Harkers fiancé from Bram Stokers novel Dracula and of course it would be vampires who have taken her.  

The vampires on this show have a very distinct look.  The Master Vampires (the ones spreading the vampirism) are a cross between Nosferatu and the vampires from The Strain.  The human victims are very pale with silver hair, red eyes and "traditional" vampire fangs.

As mentioned, the pace of the series is very slow with a lot of backstories given to every character.  The result in this storyline is a lot of filler consisting of flashbacks of Vanessa and Mina's friendship along with Mina herself appearing in visions to her loved ones in various episodes.   

By the end of the season, they do find Mina (Olivia Llewellyn) but of course it's too late and she's already one of the undead. 

As you can see, she has that "main character" gene that allows her to not transform into looking like the rest of the vampires on the show and just looks like herself with fangs and red eyes.  She is shot dead shortly after this by her father saving Vanessa's life in the process.  

The show itself is very intriguing.  It does play out like a soap opera with different character leading separate lives and since it's on a premium television network has its fair share of nudity (though it's 19nth century "realistic" nudity which isn't that hot including a woman having sex while dying of the plague and spitting up blood).  If you're a fan of period shows this one is well worth taking a look at.  

Where to Watch

Vampiress Review: "The Thompsons"

The Gist: A family of orphan vampires head to Europe to find help for their little brother who was shot and instead end up being hunted by another family of vampires.

Clarification:  This film was the sequel to the 2006 film "The Hamiltons" which originally introduced the family.  The twist in the Hamilton's is that we find out they're vampires that are born that way and in the movies end they change their name to "The Thompsons".  Unlike this film the first film has them more as sadistic serial killers more than blood sucking vampires with the vampirism being a plot twist used for a surprise ending.

This film starts where that film leaves off.  We now know they're vampires so this is a traditional vampire film.  They end up in a restaurant that gets robbed and the youngest member gets shot.  They destroy the bar....

 and off they go in search of help for him as they don't know much about what they are, being they were orphaned and their parents were secretive.

Eventually Francis Hamilton (the ones whose perspective the film is told in) ends up in a bar in England somewhere and has a chance meeting with Riley Stuart and her family that doesn't go too well.  The Stuart family hunts and kills other vampires.  It's different this time as they know about the Thompsons being first generation vampires and need his sister Darlene to breed more.  Long story short you get tons of fighting between the two families in a film that does actually keep you on the edge of your seat for a bit.

Selling Point: A+ level vampire film.

Female Vampire Factor:  You get one on each side of the battle.   For the Thompsons you get one half of the twins Darlene Thompson (Mackenzie Firgens).

 Her and her twin brother do everything together (including sex and feeding which go hand in hand).  She has a very smart mouth and an extremely short temper.

For the Stuart family you have the matriarch (Selina Giles)

 You get two sides to her,  there is the housewife, motherly caring side, then there's the psycho sadistic vampire side.  She uses the first side to trick the Thompsons into a false sense of security (IE she might be the trustworthy one) when in fact she's probably the worst of all of them which is the greatest surprise when revealed toward the films end and she becomes SUPER violent fangs blaring.

Now the Stuarts also have a daughter as mentioned above named Riley (Elizabeth Henstridge) but for whatever reason the vampire gene didn't effect her at all so she's basically the Marlyn Munster of the family who is used to bate others.   Even with this being the case Francis does have a dream about being bitten by her during sex so at least she fangs out in a dream sequence in topless lingerie.

This is a downright great vampire film and highly recommended.  I give a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.  Even without the women it would be entertaining but the fact that they're as bad ass as they are makes it all the better.

Vampiress XXX Review: "Vampyre Lovers"

The Gist: Seven scenes of vampire lesbianism.

Clarification:  Nothing too complicated here.  Just British lesbians having sex with at least one being a vampire.  Storyline and dialogue is limited to whatever setup the scene needs for the sex to start.

Selling Point: A lot of fang flashing and hissing (though the scenes are pretty cheesy).

Female Vampire Factor: It's lesbian porn so Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.  Every scene ends with a bite so you really can't ask for much more.

Scene 1: Vampire Lesbians Tammie Lee and Kaia Kane have sex and bite each other

Scene 2: Three way between Vampires twins Kat and Kit Lee and victim Stacey Saran

Scene 3: Vampire Tanya Cox attacks victim Cindy Behr at church

Scene 4: Vampire Kerry Louise and victim Farrah Fox

Scene 5: Vampire Sharon Pink attacks bartender Westy

Scene 6: Vampire Kaia Kane captures doll Paige Ashley

Scene 7: Vampire Kaia Kane attacks pedestrian Jasmine Webb

This is a great fang fetish and lesbian sex film worth an edition to your adult video collection.

Vampyre Lovers by Bluebird Films

Vampiress Music Video: Passpo's "Wing"

"Wing"

Passpo

Produced in 2012

Passpo is a J-Pop group which was formed in 2009 thru the Minna de Tsukuru Idol contest and originally consisted of ten members.   During this time period there were nine members (Sakuma Kaho left the group in 2011) and currently they are down to 8 (Makoto Okunaka left the group January of 2015)

 "Wing" is the sixth single from the album "One World".  In the music video for the song the girls are dancing in a church (apparently supposed to be nuns).  One of the members is then attacked by a vampire which starts a chain reaction of girls from the groups turning into vampires and biting other members and turning them as well.

 Eventually we have a Japanese female pop group full of vampires dancing around and singing with vampire capes and fangs. 

 The song itself sounds like pretty much the beginning theme to every Japanese anime ever but I'm not complaining because...Fangs of course.  For the full four minute version of the video click HERE.

Vampiress Music Video: The Weekend Hustler's "Addicted"

"Addicted"

The Weekend Hustler

Produced in 2014

The Weekend Hustler was an up and coming rap duo based out of Dallas, Texas.  The group consisted of American Multi-D and Lady Multi from England.   The group was active until December of 2014 when Charlotte "Lady Multi" Seekings passed away.

In the video for Addicted "D" gets in a car accident and ends up in some freaky hospital where Lady Multi is a vampire nurse treating him. 

There are also scenes where "D" is sitting in his apartment and "Lady" in a pair of black leggings, over the knee boots and a black corset is stalking him. 

For more music videos from the group check out their website www.theweekendhustler.com

Vampiress Review: The "To Die For" Series

Bram Stoker's Dracula: The Love Story To Die For (1988)

The Gist: A real estate agent and her client fall for one another but he's got a secret.

Clarification:  Don't think too hard when watching this film since the story of "Dracula" does exist here so the fact that only one person in the film puts two and two together despite the guy not even hiding his past or changing his name is pretty absurd.

The twist here is that Vlad Tepish is not the bad guy here.   Much like (ok exactly like) the Subspecies franchise which came out a few years after this, Drac has an evil brother who's quite jealous of his way with the ladies and goes out of this way to ruin his life.

Female Vampire Factor: There isn't really.  This is a does she or doesn't she film when it comes to the main female lead Kate (Sydney Walsh) and the answer is no.  The only female vampire in the film would be Kates roommate Celia (Amanda Wyss) but she turns after getting half her face ripped off and while in the middle of getting her head cut off so there is nothing hot about it.

 While more horror like than Twilight, it's still a romantic horror film as the main vampire is one of the good guys.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  If I were to recommend a film with a similar story I would go with the original Subspecies film which improves on the story in a major way.

Son of Darkness: To Die For 2 (1991)

The Gist: A woman falls in love with the only doctor who's able to help her adopted infant who seems to never be able to stop crying.

Clarification: The subtitle of this film should have been "To Die For 2: Screw Continuity".  If it weren't for the fact that the character Martin IE Kates Boyfriend from the original film (Scott Jacoby) admits in the film that everything in the first film happened it could have gotten away with being just a remake IE the Fright Night films in the 2000's but instead they go into this half baked explanation that a womans blood slipped into the remains of Vlad's ashes after he burns in the first film resulting in the lab exploding and EVERY vampire who died in the first film magically living again.

Now Vlad is a doctor named Max Schreck who seemingly got Kate pregnant during the first film that was then put up for adoption once he was born and this woman Nina adopts him.  The kid screams bloody murder constantly and when Max treats him immediately knows what's wrong.  The kid is a half vampire.  Once he gets blood , no more screaming.  All the while Martin (after seeing more people dying on the news via "coyote attacks" which is the M.O. of Vlad's brother Tom) looks for revenge for what happened between him and Kate.

Selling Point:  This is more horror than romance this time around.

Female Vampire Factor:  There are two in this film who are both victims in the first movie.  First we have Jane (Remy O'neill)

Jane was Kates co-worker and was killed by Tom in the first film and her body was crushed by being dumped into a trash struck but again...screw continuity.  In this film she's Martins stooge until evil vampire Tom finds out and she's killed (again) by being strapped to a tree until daylight.

Next we have Celia (Amanda Wyss).  As you seen above it wasn't very pretty when she turned in part 1. That scene has her face partially ripped off her neck cut and she's eventually staked and melted into nothing.  Luckily she walked it off because she looks pretty hot now.

This time around she's Tom's sidekick (I guess getting over her obsession with Vlad that made for the most entertaining scenes in the first film).  Her and Tom begin to have a falling out as Tom attempts to teach her how to kill (and wants her for himself) and she instead falls for her prey who just happens to be Nina's brother Danny.

Her character in the first film was obsessive to the point of psychosis screaming, hissing and ranting with jealousy over Vlad's love for Kate which was great (even if she was human).  Here she's basically just a school girl with a crush. She just pops into Danny's bedroom for a quick lay and a bite every night and that's pretty much it.

As a stand alone film it's pretty good.  As a sequel to another film you have to do a LOT of ignoring of logic for this to work because death means absolutely nothing seeing how the vampires deaths in the first film were pretty final.  Either way it is an improvement and we get the version of Celia we should have gotten in the first film so it gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

"Pool Sharks"

Season 1

Episode 9

Monsters was a syndicated program which ran from 1988 to 1991 from the producers of "Tales From the Darkside".  Truly the only difference between the shows is Monsters was strictly horror related where as Tales had more of a variety similar to the Twilight Zone.

The Show itself dealt with vampires on a few occasions including

Season 1, Episode 4: The Vampire Hunter
Season 3, Episode 8: Shave and a Hair Cut, Two Bites (which starred future Friends star Matt Leblanc)

The episode here is the only one that deals with or includes a female vampire.  In it a guy named Gabe goes to a pool hall and gets into a competition with an attractive woman named Natasha (Rebecca Kyler Downs).

SPOILER ALERT!  The twist of the episode (as these shows always have one) is that the guy is a vampire hunter and the girl is a vampire.  They end up playing a game of pool where the stakes are the winner gets the looser with each insinuating sex but in reality the winner is going to kill the looser. She guarantees she wins in situations like this via the ability to hypnotize people with her body so the episode is a lot of her talking seductively and posing.  It's later explained that Natasha does this to feed because vampires have to be invited in by their victims and this is a loophole to that rule.

Unfortunately for her she's never played against someone who was not only fully aware of what she was but came prepared.  The episode is very film noir like complete with slow saxophone music in the background.  The entire episode takes place in the pool hall over the game so there are no side plots to kill the main plots momentum.  Fanging out wise, once she realizes Gabe knows what she is they come out and stay out.

 She does take a break to feed once in the episode but no bites are actually shown.  When she does go to bite she makes a sound similar to a dog growling.  Honestly you can't go wrong with a sexualized female vampire.  This is how they should be.  An attractive vampiress doesn't need to do much more than seduce in order to feed.

Vampiress Review: "Pale Blood"

The Gist: A Vampire hires an investigator to look into some murders in which the victims are drained of their blood.

Clarification: Spoiler Alert! Here we get a double twist.  The guy who is doing the killing isn't an actual vampire and the guy looking to solve the case is.  In this case the murders are being committed by a video producer who likes to make art films.  He uses bat jaws to recreate vampire bites and instead of drinking the blood he drains the victims with his intended purpose being to draw out and capture a real vampire for his films.  He takes his victims to highly public area's after they're dead and informs the media so that it gets enough attention that a real vampire would find out about it which obviously works.

Selling Point: A decent drama and nothing feels forced as far as the horror aspects.

Female Vampire Factor: This is one of those will she or won't she turn films in which the film has a main female character that you're just waiting to see if she gets turned.  In this case its the investigator Lori (Pamela Ludwig).

To make matters worse her character is vampire obsessed and as the movie progresses you can tell that she wants to be one and is hoping that her employer Micheal is one (which she's eventually proven right).  Well thankfully she does get turned though you do have to wait until the end of the movie for the payoff but at least it does happen.

If you're looking for a true vampire film this definitely isn't it.  Better described as a crime drama with a twist ending than a true horror.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.

Vampiress TV Review: "Diagnosis Murder"

"The Bella Lugosi Blues"

Season 2 

Episode 13

Diagnosis Murder was a night time drama which aired on CBS from 1993 to 2001.  It starred television icon Dick Van Dyke as a doctor who helps his son who is a homicide detective solve cases.  The show also starred his real life son Barry Van Dyke as his TV son as well as former 80's teen heart throb Scott Baio and soap opera diva Victoria Rowell.

The show itself was a spin-off to another TV series "Jake and the Fatman" and spawned after multiple made for TV movies. 

In this episode police are baffled as bodies of prominent bachelors start appearing in the morgue completely drained of blood.  It ends up the one thing they have in common is a connection with a socialite named Moriah Thomas (Julie Carmen).  

This is one of those "we don't believe in vampires till one is in our face and then we still kind of don't believe it" storylines.   She doesn't have fangs and when she eventually outs herself the most supernatural thing she does is fly around the room a lot until she flies herself right into a stake through the heart (err body).  

You read that correct, she is pretty much the klutziest killer vampire ever.  Brags about how she's been alive for centuries and is so powerful and just "oops" now you're dead.  I've got to admit that this episode is a lot of nothing.  The only selling point I can really come up with to watch this is for nostalgia purposes to hear Julie Carmen do her sexy vampire voice again if you were a fan of her as Regine Dandridge in Fright Night 2.

Vampiress Review: "G-String Vampire"

The Gist: A Seer who was working undercover at a strip club hides out with a civilian after the club she was at is taken over by Countess Dracula.

Clarification:  Basically the storyline of the film is just time filler in between sex scenes and consists of the "Seer" (Barbi Leigh) telling people what happened at the club.  Not that it really matters considering how terrible it's acted and how non nonsensical the actual script is.   The best way I can describe it is awkward yelling and ill timed frustration and calm.  It's nowhere near as bad as Caress of the Vampire 3 but it's headed toward that direction.

Selling Point: All female cast and the strip/sex scenes are pretty hot.

Female Vampire Factor: The strippers at the club are all seduced and then picked off one by one on the stages of the club by Countess Dracula (Chante Bey).

Her fangs as you can see are quite cheap and rubber looking.  The vampire portions of the film with the Countess have no dialogue and as mentioned above are set up via the Seer explaining to someone how the girls at the club got turned and each sex scene ends with a close up bite.

(Spoiler Alert) The only other female vampire in the film comes in the form of the "surprise" ending.  In it the Seer's  superior officer Lt Jenkins (Katrina Raey) comes to "debrief" her about the incident but instead they end up in a shower sex scene where it's then revealed that she is a vampire as well.

As it tends to happen with Seduction Cinema films from this time period it would be a much better storyline free scene based softcore porn than it is a vampire film but it tries.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.