Vampiress Review: Embrace of the Vampire (2013)

The Gist: A remake of the 1995 film which originally starred Martin Kemp and Alyssa Milano's breasts.

Clarification:  Same general story but makes way more sense than the original.  Charlotte is a mousey shy young woman who is off to college on a fencing scholarship.  When she gets there she has to deal with having really slutty roommates, really pushy team mates along with having black outs which results in her having sex dreams (which is really traumatizing for a sheltered virgin).  She eventually finds out the sex dream problems stem from her being the ancestor of a powerful vampire and one of her victims is coming for her as drinking her blood would regain his humanity.  Low and behold that vampire just so happens to be her fencing coach.

Selling Point: In this version you don't have to wait till the end of the movie for the (much hotter and graphic) lesbian scene.  This time it's between Charlotte and one of her fencing team mates Sarah (played by Chelsey Reist) which ends in fangs (Below).

Who needs feminine protection with friends like these?

Vampire Beauty Rating:  Outside of the above scene the only other female vampire is Charlottes vampire ancestor Sorina played by Claire Smithies.  Sorina is only scene in flashbacks and takes the place of the three random naked women briefly show in the original.

Well we went from hardly any female vamp action in the original to an upgrade to barely any in the remake.  On the bright side, as stated, the lesbian scene (which is the only thing that made the original worth watching) has now been tied in to a female vamp scene.  Otherwise there is probably more gratuitous sex in this film than the original but nowhere near as kinky (no random threesomes this time around).  At the end of the day I'm actually sold on this movie just because it actually made sense and wasn't made for shock value.  In other words they actually attempted to tell a story and a very well done one at that.  Anyway this film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5 (for those keeping count that's one more than the original got from me).  

Full Movie

Vampiress Review: The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice

The Gist: A female vampire enlists the help of a collector of ancient artifacts in order to help her find a chalice which resurrects dead vampires. 

Clarification: Originally this was a basic cable movie which aired on the TNT network in 2008 and is part of a trilogy of movies starring network television stars Noah Wyle, Bob Newhart and Jane Curtain based on a set of novels.  Basically this is a basic cable "Indiana Jones" making an otherwise boring job into an action hero.  In this case it's about the Librarian attempting to stop of group of Russian mobsters from resurrecting Dracula.

Selling Point: The movie is actually pretty enjoyable.

Female Vampire Factor: As the story goes Flynn (The Librarian) is having lady problems and goes to New Orleans for a vacation after he has a dream about a beautiful woman who leads him there.  Once he gets there he sees the same woman from his dream singing at a club.  From there they sleep together and eventually go off looking for the Chalice together but only after she reveals herself to be a vampire and he gets over how freaked out he initially is about it. 

Stana Katic (Simone Renoir)

Simone is a 403 year old vampire from France who's goal in her unending existence is to find the vampire that turned her and get her revenge.  She's a very playful vampire who doesn't feed on live humans but instead depends on blood bags.   Her attraction to Flynn stems from his resemblance to the fiance she had prior to turning and for that is extremely loyal to him often doing whatever she can to protect him. 

She is definitely the perfect girlfriend, sexy, french accent and a sense of humor which includes fanging out for fun.  Without spoiling it too much poor Flynn pretty much gets dicked over at the end for lack of a better word.  This is one of those "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" flicks (don't get me wrong it's a basic cable action flick not a romance) but still, what's the point of getting seduced by a hot vampire who's supposed to be immortal if shes not going to stick around.  Anyway the film gets a Vampire Beauty rating of 3 out of 5.  The whole thing is pretty much about Simone and as I mentioned she's an easy vampire to fall for.

The Sexy Female Vamps of the "Embrace the Darkness" Saga

 Embrace the Darkness is basically softcore porns answer to the "Subspecies" series of vampire films from the 90's.  It basically follows the same premise which is the life of a girl who becomes the obsession of a vampire who stalks her and eventually turns her but he is killed and then her struggles to learn the way's of vampirism from other sometimes not so nice vampires.  Not much else to say other than here's the T & A.

Embrace the Darkness (1999)

Miranda (Angelia High)

The premise of the fiirst film is Miranda lives with another vampire named Galen.  While Galen is the "Good" vampire who likes to drink from blood bags and not hurt anyone.  Miranda is a classic softcore porn vampire IE she likes to have lots of sex and basically eat who she screws when she's done. 

Jennifer (Madison Clark)

The object of Galens affection she freaks out when she finds out what he is, gets herself hit by a car and he turns her to save her.  After drinking her best friends blood and having a guilt trip fit on the guy for what she's become he commits suicide and she's stuck as a vampire knowing absolutely nothing about how to live like one and now has to spend the next two movies learning the ropes and changing actresses.

Embrace the Darkness 2 (2002)

Jennifer (Renee Rea)

Now Jennifer is a full fledged vampire and decides to leave her old look and life behind for the big city where she eats people and throws them in the dumpster much to the chagrin of some of the other vamps in the area.  Luckily since they were friends of Galen they volunteer to show her the ropes.


Lizzie (Catalina Larranaga)

A vampire older than Galen she takes in Jennifer to live with her and her male fledgling Jack but when the two get too comfortable together she gets jealous and decides that Jennifer is competition that needs to be taken out.

 

Embrace the Darkness 3 (2002)

Jennifer (Brooke Larele)

Now Jennifer knows what she's doing and has pretty much become what Lizzie was, an uncaring bitchy power hungry vampire bent on becoming the strongest vampire alive (also she's back to being a brunette).  She's definitely come a long way from the winy constantly crying character she was in the first film.

Vampiress Review: Teenage Space Vampires/ Darkness: The Teen Space Vampire Saga

The Gist: An alien is turning all the people of a small town into vampire like creatures in an attempt to find a stone which would engulf the light of the sun and its up to a teenage boy to stop them.

Clarification:  So basically a movie that wasn't that great when it was originally released in 1999 gets re-released with a new name and box art (complete with models who aren't even in the film) hoping to fool fans of the Twilight genre into watching it.  This movie was made in Romania which pretty much explains why the town loves the sport of soccer so much but why an advanced alien race would fly millions of miles just to take over a high school soccer team is a real head scratcher.  Then again if it worked for the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for going on 3 decades now who's to question alien monsters obsession with Earth high schools.

Selling Point: According to the company that made it, apparently the models on the "Darkness" cover.

Female Vampire Factor: Well there's two which I guess is a positive but since this movie is pretty cheesy I don't know how much of a positive it is, especially since one of them, specifically Paula the public relations lady played by the actually pretty hot Romanian model Bianca Brad looks like an alien from an old episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" when she turns.

Someone needs to call the ghost of Robert Stack

As far as the other one goes in actuality the entire cheerleading squad of the school gets turned (by the soccer team who gets turned first) but since they're all just background fodder we get to only notice the head cheerleader played by Canadian actress Lindy Booth.

Lindy Booth does not look like this in this movie unfortunately

 Now normally the idea of vampire cheerleaders is a great one but there is something just totally off about it here.  Possible the frumpy 1980's look of the uniforms or the really weird fangs used in the film but there's pretty much nothing hot about this.

For that this film gets a vampire rating of 1 out of 5.  You're pretty much better off just watching the first three seasons of The Vampire Diaries if you want some decent teenage vampires.

Anime Vampiress: Rosario + Vampire

Rosario + Vampire is a Manga (comic book) and anime series in Japan.   It follows the story of a young human boy named Tsukune who gets enrolled in a school for monsters and makes friends with a vampire named Moka who quickly falls for him (but since they're in high school Tsukune is very standoffish about his true feelings and tries to keep things friendly).  Moka and Tsukune both have similar pasts as Moka once lived in the human world and was an outcast similar to how Tsukune is in the monster world and she helps protect Tsukune and keep his secret (as it's illegal and very dangerous for humans to be in the monster world as many of them feed on humans).  As the story progresses many different other female monsters attempt to get in between Tsukune and Moka as they want him for themselves and the group together end up joining the schools newspaper club which leads them on several adventures.

OK that was the cut and try of it.  Now the true gist of it is that the anime version of this series was pretty much pervy T & A often being filled with scenes of panty shots and breast groping and normally ending with Moka biting Tsukune.  In fact the second season of the show had a lot of frontal nudity but really that's what most anime's are.  Especially ones about school girls.  Heck one of them is a large breasted blue haired succubus who attempts to molest Tsukune at any opportunity (and even her mother is eventually introduced who also tries to molest the lucky kid).

 
but this isn't about them it's about the female vampires and that's what this show is all about so that brings us to Moka.

As you can see above Moka has two distinctly different personalities.  You have the giggly happy loving more human like pink haired Moka who is always around and then you have the deep voiced, straight shooting, butt kicking white haired Moka who only comes out when the rosary is removed from her neck (which only Tsukune can do apparently).  The white haired Moka aka "inner Moka" is her true form that was repressed in order for her to live among humans but both are very much aware of each other but do not act as if they're the same person but both having a thing for Tsukune.  "Inner Moka" only really comes out during boss fights at the end of episodes of the anime as she is the more powerful of the two and can normally defeat other monsters in battle when it comes to that quickly.  It's even revealed during the 2nd season of the anime that the 2 Moka's are competing with each other over the affections of Tsukune who seems to prefer outer Moka.

In the second season Moka's little sister Kokoa is enrolled in the school.

 Kokoa who grew up along with and idolizing "Inner Moka" absolutely despises the nice cute pink haired version and wants her destroyed.  Being a vampire herself she's considered very powerful and hard to stop but her personality turns tame very quickly when "Inner Moka" emerges as her entire attitude is based on "Inner Moka" going away and her hatred for "Outer Moka" and everyone she's associated with.

Now I've pretty new to the whole anime game but felt that this was a great place to start with adding them to this site as I REALLY liked this series.  Also the one thing that comes with anime is fans who cosplay as the characters in the series.  Though a thouroghly would have enjoyed finding someone sporting Inner Moka's costume from the 2nd season of the shows end credits (BELOW)

 anyway chicks in fangs and school girl uniforms work just as well.

COSPLAY (outer Moka)

 

 COSPLAY (Inner Moka)

 COSPLAY (Kokoa)