Vampiress Review: "Nocturna: Grand daughter of Dracula"

The Gist:  The Grand Daughter of the Transylvanian Count falls in love with an American musician and moves to New York City in order to be with him in hopes that she can live a normal human existence.

Clarification: This isn't as much a movie as it is a really long disco music video.  The whole thing consists of mostly musical montages of Nocturna either dancing or just walking around with the occasional scene filled with awkward dialogue in between.  Needless to say, writing wasn't the Vietnamese beauties strong point (she co-wrote the film).

Selling Point:  Several topless scenes featuring not only Nocturna but three very attractive female prostitutes.

Female Vampire Factor:  There are several in the film including the original Lilly Munster herself Yvonne De Carlo but like I mentioned this isn't much of a vampire film so you wouldn't know it unless the film tells you that they are.  Only one vampire in the film fangs out and of course that would be the title character "Nocturna" played by Vietnamese belly dancer Nai Bonet...

 Now granted, Ms Bonet is hot... I mean extremely hot and obviously she knows it as she is plastered all over this film dancing and wearing less and less clothes by the scene but the fact of the matter is she isn't much of an actress and the only vampiric thing you get out of Nocturna is in the first five minutes of the film.  The rest is her telling people she has a boyfriend over and over and over and over etc (when she's not walking or dancing of course).  For that this film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  If any horror was attempted at all in this film it could have been great but instead it's a pretty sad attempt at a romantic comedy. 

FULL FILM

Vampiress XXX Review: "I Am Virgin"

The Gist: A virus has seemingly resulted in there being no one left on earth but sex crazed vampire strippers and Robby, the loan virgin left on the planet.

Clarification:  This is an X-rated parody of the film I Am Legend.  The basic premise of every scene is Robby walking into some abandoned place snooping around, running into vampire strippers having sex either with other vampire strippers or to random guys who are also vampires then running for his life before they catch him as they all want to take his virginity.

Selling Point:  The sex scenes are pretty steamy with lots of vampire growling.

Female Vampire Factor:  That's pretty much all you have in this film.

The girls range from "OK" to Super Hot but no big name porn actresses to speak of.  In fact the only name player in this film is a cameo by Ron Jeremy.  As far as vampire porn goes you can find much better but you can also do much worse so this film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5. If you like you adult films heavy in plot and like your women to look realistic (different body types, tattoo's etc) this is definitely the film for you.

Vampiress Review: "The Velvet Vampire"

The Gist: A young couple spends the weekend with an excentric woman at her desert home who in reality is a vampire who's hundreds of years old.

Clarification:  This is one of those movies that probably made more sense in the 1970's than it does in today's society but at the same time shows how stuffy we've become.  Considering the film pretty much follows the repetitious formula of couple + vampire go on site seeing adventure, girl of couple decides to stay behind while vampire and guy walk off to attempt a quick roll in the hay but gets stopped when girl of couple gets attacked by random animal (then again this film wasn't very popular in the 70's either). The thing that separates it from something made today is the fact that a woman being cheated on pretty much has the same amount of importance to her as eating the last yogurt in the refrigerator (unless you really like yogurt).  She's very well aware of whats going on and is upset by it but more because she's jealous of him more than hurt over her husband wanting another woman.  In other words, this would never end up on Lifetime.

Female Vampire Factor:  Your vamp in this film is Diane Lefanu played by the lovely Celeste Yarnall.

The problem with this film is she really isn't much of a vampire at all.  She doesn't have fangs, not only can she come out in the daytime but lives in the desert and only functions during the day.  In fact the only supernatural thing about her is that she doesn't age.  Otherwise she's just a weird and very horny lady who the couple has sex dreams about and who the guy of the couple spends 70% of the movie trying to have sex with unsuccessfully due to his wife's inability to stay out of trouble. Since it barely qualifies as a vampire movie at all I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  At best it can be categorized as a VERY slow moving softcore porn complete with awful ending.

Full Film

Vampire Model: Adrienne Manning

In this gallery from HollyRandell.com Penthouse Pet Adrienne Manning flashes her fangs as well as some leg as a sexy gothic female vampire in an evening gown and long black leather gloves.

Fright Night 2: New Blood TRAILER!

So here it is.  I've been covering this film since the project was announced last October and now we have our first trailer.

The straight to DVD movie which has a tentative release date of October 1st in the United States has been subject to a lot of speculation as all reports of the plot left a major grey area as far as what the premise could be.  Was it a direct remake of the 1988 sequal starring Julie Carmen?  Was it a straight to DVD reboot of the franchise or was it a retelling of the original story with a twist?  Well by what this trailer gives us the answer to all those questions is YES. 

So seemingly we are pretending Collin Farrell never happened (which for many of us isn't hard to do).  Gerri Dandridge is now a MILFY college professor who is a lesbian version of the killer playboy Chris Sarandon played in 1985 and like Carmen is going to use her sex appeal to pretty much get what she wants (and from reports that answer is still Charlies girlfriend "Amy"). If this is true then we can pretty much assume that Sacha Parkinson (Amy) will be dawning the fangs for a brief moment in this film as well (as this trailer hints that the film follows the layout of the 1985 film pretty accurately with Charlie, Ed and Amy running for their lives together the majority of it). 

So this brings the question.  Does this trailer give you enough that you're willing to give this franchise one more shot?

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