Female vampires once ruled the world. Now they are overlooked for glittering guys with big hair. It's time to point out why the female of the species should be the center of attention.
The Gist: A group of soldiers battle a brood of vampires somewhere in South America.
Clarification: This is one of the legendary Sci Fi original movies. Sci Fi original movies are independent movies produced to air exclusively on the Sci Fi (now SyFy) cable channel. What makes these movies legendary is how absolutely cheap and horrible they are which makes this all the more disappointing being that this film was on the more high end of the Sci Fi movie quality spectrum (the low end films are much more entertaining as they normally consist of girls in bikini's being haunted by some type of ridiculous creature). It (sort of) follows the story of a group of marines led by a guy named Hawk who encounter vampires while out walking around the rainforest. They are then sent back to find Hawks ex wife Laurie who had been kidnapped by them vampire. The movie stars vamp vets Casper Van Dien (Modern Vampires) and Kevin Grevioux (Underswold) along with former Wonder Woman star Lynda Carter and pretty much is 88 minutes of badly choreographed fight scenes.
Female Vamp Factor: This film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5. There's only one main one in the film but she gets a ton of screen time despite looking very disheveled for most of the film. The main reason she's worthy of a 2 on her own is she's a former Miss Puerto Rico and a runner up in the Miss Universe Pageant.
Vampiress Cast
Joyce Giraud (Estrella)
Estrella is the daughter of the head vampire and seemingly the only female in the brood so if this were the smurfs she would be like their "Smurfette". She's easily the most aggressive in the group and as stated above gets some of the most actual screen time out of all the vamps in the film. She develops a bit of a thing for Hawk in the midst of the whole "killing the soldiers who are in their territory" story the film was supposed to be following which goes no where and she even gets a scene where she seduces a soldier in his dreams (which also goes no where and comes off pretty pointless but at least she looks hot during it.) Other memorable scenes include her attacking "Laurie" in her bedroom which pretty much was her jumping on top of hot blonde Jennifer O'Dell while posing and hissing a lot.
The Gist: Three nerds from the midwest take off for Hollywood for a life of stardom but end up in over their heads when they head to a a vampire run brothel on their first night.
Clarification: This film by Fred Olen Ray is one of those old school "USA Up All Night" classics that is EXTREMELY hard to find now a days (if you find a copy jump on it IMMEDIATELY). It's 80's B movie magic at it's finest, full of bad puns and R rated humor to the point that it's so bad that you have to like it. Especially Eddie Deezen as super nerd "Kyle" who is probably the only one in the world to end up in a bed with a hot girl in lingerie and try to run and that's long before she breaks out with the fangs.
Selling Point: It's a movie that consists of naked women with fangs and tons of sex humor which is always a great combo.
Female Vampire Factor: This film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5. The movie is all about how hot they are. As a matter of fact the only non hot thing about them is what happens to them when they touch holy water. That's definitely not pretty at all. Otherwise it's 80+ minutes of hot fanged women in lingerie with goofy comedy in between.
Vampiress Cast
Britt Ekland (Madamme Cassandra)
AKA the hot blonde bond girl from "The Man With the Golden Gun", a much older (but still hot) Ekland plays the owner of the brothel and head vampire of the group. Most of her air time consists of her attempting to make bad puns regarding her dislike of the "Beverly Hills Cops" and directing the girls.
Jillian Kesner (Claudia)
The sexy late actresses character Claudia is the one who handles clients who are into a much rougher version of having a good time. She's very much a dominatrix just without the whips and chains and ball gags (all the girls at the bordello dress very classy). She's one of the first vamps to vamp out on screen and unfortunately for her she's also the first the hunters encounter to take out (and it isn't pretty what happens to her either).
Debra Lamb (Jessica)
Jessica is the glamor of the group. When she ends up in the bedroom with one of the nerds named Russell all he wants out of her is to take sexy pictures of her in and out of her lingerie. She's also really into talking dirty as she explains to Kyle while he's vampire hunting how all she wants to do is bite his neck, drink his vital juices and make him her sex slave for all eternity (before groping him and giving him the old "is there a stake in your pocket or are you glad to see me" line).
Michelle Bauer (Kristina)
Scream Queen Bauer who has appeared as a vampire in a few other films after this including 1995's Blonde Heaven (which for reasons beyond me has since been renamed "Morgana" for it's DVD release) was the vampire originally assigned to have sex with then drain movie protagonist Kyle. Because Kyle is loyal to his girlfriend he wants nothing to do with her and ends up escaping. She almost gets her hands on Kyle through hypnosis (or as True Blood would call it "glamoring") but he came prepared with a cross on his boxer shorts. I can't say Kyle won out in that case if going out also meant he was going to get a happy ending.
Brigitte Burdine (Molly)
The late actress who spent her last years of her life as a casting director for popular video games played the midwest girlfriend that Kyle was so loyal too. Eventually she gets worried about Kyle and heads to L.A. to find out what's going on with him. When she gets their the only one she finds is Brock (Tim Conway Jr.) has has already been turned into a vampire by the girls in the bordello who then volunteers to help her look for Kyle. The next time we see her is at the end of the movie where Kyle believes that everything has gone back to normal after killing the head vampire until you see that Brock and Molly both now have fangs and are going after him.
Sanctuary is a Canadian television series which has aired on Syfy since 2008. The show follows the story of Dr Hellen Magnus (Amanda Tapping) who runs a Sanctuary for beings with extraordinary powers called "Abnormals". Most episodes of the series has her along with her staff hunting down the more dangerous "abnormals" which are normally you standard run of the mill horror creatures. A big part of the folklore of the show revolves around vampires (with vampire blood making Dr. Magnus immortal) though in the universe of Sanctuary the vampire race is pretty much extinct. Here are some of the exceptions of the fairer sex.
Ashley Magnus (Emilie Ullerup: Season 2, Episode 1 "End of Knights")
Ashley is the monster hunting daughter of Dr. Magnus. In the premier of the second season she is given vampire blood and transformed into a vampire/transporter hybrid along with 5 others. This results in her becoming evil and turning on the members of the Sanctuary including her mother. Eventually she comes too long enough to kill herself along with the last hybrid in order to save her mother. What a shame.
Meghan Ory (Laura: Season 2, Episode 10 "Sleepers")
A vampire beauties fan favorite after the blogs on "Supernatural" and "Vampire High" Ory this time around plays a young drug addict who gets sent to a rehab facility in Mexico which promises to take only a week to clean you up. The catch is that the facility is run by Nikola Tesla who happens to be the last vampire in existence and the treatment used at the facility is an altered form of his blood. All is fine with the treatment until its found out that upon the death of those who get the treatment they come back as vampires (starting with Laura's boyfriend who gets in a fatal car accident). Once the privileged young drug addicts find out what they've become they embrace it and attempt to bring the vampire race back. Ironically it would be Tesla himself who puts an end to it by providing a cure which he accidentally gets himself as well.
Adrienne Carter (Season 2, Episode 10 "Sleepers")
Another one of the spoiled brat drug addicts from the episode "Sleepers". She just kind of hangs out in the background while all the cool kids talk but is good for several fang shots throughout the episode.
Aliyah O'Brian (Afina: Season 3, Episode 16 "Awakening")
In this episode Dr. Magnus along with now former vampire Nikola Tesla stumble on her tomb on an expedition. As they explore the inside a booby trap impales Tesla who is now in danger of bleeding to death. With his final wish he asks for Hellen to read to him the characters on the wall of the tomb but in doing so she ends up unlocking a hidden door which housed Afina's body encased in crystal. She ends up drilling a hole in the crystal and extracting her blood to give to him turning him back into a vampire but due to the hole, the crystal ends up shattering and Afina comes back to life. Much to the dismay of Tesla the only other vampire on the planet is a total bitch who wants to enslave everyone resulting in Tesla and Magnus having to work together to stop her. Afina had a lot of lesbian tendencies (lots of lightweight hitting on Hellen) but the real star of the episode was her cleavage. I would have LOVED for them...I mean her to become a regular character.
Unfortunately it doesn't seem like vampires will be apart of the shows future but I will continue to hold out hope that Afina is truly not dead.
The Gist: An evil lesbian vampire named January and her minions are ravaging the city of Sunnydale and it's up to Buffy and the gang to stop her.
Clarification: Based on the 1990's television series starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. Lexi Belle is Buffy Summers. Buffy is a recent high school graduate who also happens to be the chosen one destined to slay the vampires who regularly target Sunnydale California. One day Buffy confides in her best friend Willow (Jessie Andrews) that she is suffering from insomnia since her vampire boyfriend Angel left town. This gives Willow the idea to cast a spell which would give Buffy and Angel one more night together. Since she improvises some of the ingredients the spell instead gives Buffy and the rest of the gang very realistic sexual dreams about those they subconsciously desire.
Selling Point: This is it, you will never find a more accurate parody of "Buffy" than this one. This is the ONLY adult Buffy parody that is truly based on the series.
Female Vampire Factor: This Film Gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5. I've got to admit that the whole "demon vampire" look was something I had to get used to when the series originally debuted in 1997 but it eventually happened. Not so with this version as the vampire makeup is very cheap making them look more deformed than anything. Luckily they don't have it on during the sex scenes.
Vampiress Cast
Ash Hollywood (January)
January is the leader of the Brood of lesbian vampires who are attacking people in Sunndale in this episode (the movie is treated as if it is an episode in a regular series). She's very flirty and her main goal is to be the one to kill the slayer. Unlike the rest of the vampires in her group she's very picky as far as her eating habits go.
Britney Amber (Harmony)
Just kind of thrown in at the end of the movie, Harmony really doesn't have anything to do with the story in this film but her sex scene at the end with "Spike" seems to set up a possible second movie (or was just used once again to make it feel as if you were watching an episode of the actual show). Either way the airheaded behavior of Harmony made for some pretty decent laughs making you forget you were watching a porn up until she got naked.
For the record I absolutely HATE the makeup job (despite it being true to the TV series if not much cheaper looking) but the films director seemed to be going the direction of "would you hit that with a paper bag over her head" situation with a lot of the screen shots and blocking in this film. With the exception of the scenes where they are actually having their lesbian three way with January they always have the vampire makeup on. The thing is, when they're actually feeding all you see is their butts up in the air which the scene concentrates on. I've got to admit. A good Paper Bag goes a long way.
The Gist: A Brood of female vampires use an adult website as an elaborate way to bring victims to them.
Clarification: This is one of those movies where the concept is GREAT, the acting itself isn't terrible overall for a "B" grade movie but the execution is way too over the top bringing the overall experience down. It looks like a vampire movie (and is supposed to be one) but in actuality comes off as your run of the mill "B" movie slasher film complete with scene after scene of cheesy special effect driven death scenes. Using logic you have 3 women complete with fangs who's goal is supposed to be to feed on men for nourishment so why exactly are they wasting the one thing the need to live by spreading it all over the floor and walls because they're killing guys with hooks, power drills, axes etc? Also if they aren't going to use their fangs after seducing the guy then what's the point of having them not to mention couldn't they just pick up random people off the street and do the same thing? It just seems like a waste of what otherwise would have been a decent movie.
Selling Point: The weird lesbian scene between Syn Devil and Isabelle Stephen.
Female Vampire Factor: This film get a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5. Despite all the above complaints the vampires in this film get a lot of screen time as the movie does revolve around them. Though they seem a little too old for the part of 3 women who live together running and posing for an adult voyeur website in school girl costumes etc. that complaint is a nit pick as they are very attractive none the less. If you like B movie gore or you can look past it, the concept is an extremely good one.
Vampiress Cast
Jeannie Michelle Jameson (Stacy)
Stacy acts as the brains of the operation which seems to make her the leader of the group. She's also very tall and very aggressive. It is her duty to keep the others in check and make sure everything runs smoothly while protecting their identities.
Darla Albornoz (Dawn)
Dawn is the "Glamor" of the group. Her role is to be the carrot on the string to bring the victims in. She is very sexy and knows how to bring the poor unsuspecting victims fantasies to life. Her in her cute costumes are the last thing most of these men see before they die.
Syn Devil (Tasha)
Tasha is your classic dominatrix type. She doesn't say much but with all the leather and PVC and chains she seems to have an obsession with she makes all kinds of noise (literally as in most scenes you can hear every step she takes). She also has a thing for women as stated in the "selling point" where she goes out on her own and brings in a young french girl to have odd lesbian sex (eats her out from across the room via an elongated tongue and killing her that way).
